Do men really yearn sexually for multiple women?
Even though I sit here having authored a blog/diary chronicling myself having casual sex for pay with numerous prostitutes who have availed themselves in my vicinity, I still can’t find the perceived-by-some button that says: "must spread my seed in as many directions as possible" or "must sample as many unique pussies as I can afford".
While part of my experiment is limited based on the fact that most women don’t last or want to last very long in the world’s oldest profession, I still feel a strong appreciation and valuation for prostitutes with whom I have already shared some form of sexual intimacy.
It seems I’ve been scanning online ads for days now both before and after my last liason with a sex worker and I can’t even get close to sensing myself to prefer any of the women represented by those sometimes-explicit ads to the idea of calling up this same working girl I recently met.
Indeed some of my vibes result from having had the rare opportunity to just stand eye to eye with that tall and consenting woman, both when clothed and when unclothed. There were no mysteries or negotiations still on the table as we knew that we would be sexually intimate there. She was invigorating, but perhaps most of her appeal was in my own mind, even though she was quite attractive independent of me.
I just sense in myself a strong yearning for building upon various forms of intimacy with the same, singular person, and for a long while, in contrast with the popular expectation by many women, of men, no matter whether they have any connection with working girls or not.
Some may opine that for my having already sampled the nectar of perhaps more than my share of unique female sex partners, that I might for related reasons be inspired back toward "ideals". That may well be the case, yet I just can’t help but want to express my sense that just about all males deeply yearn to build and build on one relationship with one woman, vs. cheating or playing the field.
I suspect that upbringing and related environmental factors are the most significant indicators that a man will cheat on you. If he comes from a family filled with cheaters then it is probably a very strong probability that he will evolve to cheat on you. Naturally the dynamics of individuals also play a strong role in driving their partners to cheat. Everybody knows that sex is absolutely grand when both parties are eager, excited, and physically ready for the interaction.
It doesn’t take too much to alter one side’s mood significantly, and I can now number two experiences where even I found myself not as "virile" in the moment as I would have liked to be. I’m happy that each of these situations could be directly matched with other concerns being on my mind at the time (the first was just a stupid story I felt I had to finish telling as my long-ago favorite prostitute from early in this diary was fellating me, the second was just a couple of weeks ago when this brand new working girl surprised me unpleasantly with her take on how little time we had remaining).
But if those were my experiences, and I’m just a guy without much emotional investment in either (or any) partner, I can only imagine the multitude of factors that might derail a woman’s sex drive, for an hour or for a lifetime.
Some people say that "for a woman, sex begins at dinner…" (which has nothing to do with food, and everything to do with setting and build-up). This, of course, pertains to women involved in romantic relationships and not mere working girls.
I couldn’t begin to profess to know how to balance/create/guide/concern-myself-with the many elements of a female partner in it for the long haul, with regard to keeping the romance alive and thriving, so that she might never tire of our sexual intimacy or the path leading up to it. I am at least aware that lots of little factors simply must be there. I know that so many relationships that end badly are sped-up toward that ending by two well-meaning parties who effectively paint themselves into communication corners. In the moment, it is just too damn difficult to step aside and show important vulnerability in front of a partner now, and before it leads to even greater communication struggles.
I have one OD friend who is presently effectively having sex with an abusive boyfriend night after night just so she can continue to pay the bills and remain in her home. (she kicked him out/ broke-up with him earlier, only to allow his return) She speaks of longing for a time when she can sleep in a bed with a man without having to have sex with him. This woman is stuck in a bad place, only a few days in the making, but I can’t even imagine the detatchment she feels while offering her body for his sexual release. At least with the working girls, they tend to approach each individual "date" at zero, and they can motivate themselves at least somewhat by thinking of what they’ll do with the money. A real-life woman who has been abused for much of her life, and who is now back to giving up sex just for survival in her own world (somehow "legally", mind you) is surely well below the "zero" level in terms of her emotions and feelings about the so-called "relationship".
Another diarist wrote recently of having broached the subject of adopting a child to his wife (who longs for a family) and then, after planning to attend a meeting on the topic, traffic and other factors rendered him late getting home and them not attending the meeting. That last example is one where a guy is bound to totally underestimate the pronounced effect that let-down could have on their shared sex life, or on any interest at all the woman might have in having sex with him.
It is probably just too easy for women to "forgive" men who cheat sexually during long-term relationships, and this pattern of continuing to do so just makes women suffer more and more as those men keep getting away with more and more. The people you read about in "Cosmo" are largely those who have been cheated on at every corner, and in every relationship, and they just keep relating one experience after another. This makes for a lurid, entertaining read in each new issue but it also gives a poor example of how the average, everyday male is made up inside.
It is likely that you just don’t read about "average, everyday males" in your favorite women’s magazine. Average, everyday males are the ones out there working hard, and doing what they can to maintain job, home, relationship and family. Indeed sometimes this requires overworking and not paying enough attention at home. IF they have spouses who will communicate freely and speak their minds, those spouses will mention the inattentiveness at a point when something can still be done.
Most of the sexual cheating in the world falls under the heading of "things you read and hear from other people". The unspoken part of the story is almost always that there are significant elements of the wives/long-time girlfriends involved which set them up to be cheated on.
Who do you admire most among the following? :
Elin Nordegren
Silda Spitzer
Hillary Clinton
I’m sure we don’t know the entire story behind the Tiger Woods infidelity saga but I can’t believe that one person has been so strong and sensible as to draw the line and divorce Tiger’s ass when so many pathetic examples like the other two exist all around our society. Maybe it is Elin’s European upbringing and different standards that helped her to act reflexively with common sense and cut her losses, while the other two continue to lose and look ever so foolish for doing so.
Of course all three of those women were woefully disillusioned, and I’m sure that none of them can give their all when fucking their husbands. They all have children, too, and what kind of an example are two of them setting for those children?
And maybe it is more of a generational thing, where Elin is much younger and obviously much more appealing on the open social market, so she was more reflexive in cutting bait. In addtion, Elin doesn’t have as much of herself "invested" in Tiger as the other two have invested in their husbands. At any rate, each of the others should have cut ties immediately as a way of saving face.
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More than anything else, I’d like to suggest to female readers that men aren’t so unlike-minded to women where it concerns monogamy, and I can even feel this vibe from within at times when I am considering sex with the scores of prostitutes available for my choosing.
Why don’t you note here with your experiences relating to cheating or being cheated on???
This has been the mindset of your John
I admire HIllary Clinton the most, by far. one classy, intelligent lady. and yes, i do think men yearn sexually for multiple women. i think women do too, for men.
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this entry has made me think of how american society encourages women to stay virgins until marriage. i’m sure morality plays a role, but the phrase i hear most often is “don’t give it away for free.” to me that implies one should instead receive payment. how is trading one’s hymen for a diamond significantly different than what prostitutes do? the only difference is how long the hooker has known
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her customer, really. as for the cheating question: i had a boyfriend cheat on me once, but he wasn’t emotionally involved with the girl. it was just sex. i was still upset, mind you, but there’s a big difference between just banging someone & actually being emotionally involved with them. anyway, we broke up a month after that, so i didn’t have to live with it long.
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I’m glad I don’t have to ponder any of this. I’m a woman who has a monogamous loving relationship with another woman. Life just became so much easier.
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I’ve never been cheated on, or cheated.. but my father cheated on my mother. They always argued, growing up and my Dad later told me that for years they just lived like roommates. My Mother hated my Father.. you could tell in how she talked about him, even when they were still married. There was no love on her part.. my Father loved and still loves my Mother..
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[contd] but he wasn’t faithful to her. Which, as he puts it (in many more words) he wasn’t getting it from her, so he got it from someone else. He didn’t love any of the other women he was with. He would’ve rather been sleeping with my Mother, but since she refused he strayed.. I think they’re both guilty parties in all of it.. (though my Mom will tell you otherwise) and I feel like their..
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I’m bisexual (as you know already, dearest john), and what’s odd is that I experienced the most infidelity I’ve ever seen when I was with my ex-girlfriend. That woman was insanely horny all the time, just not with me. I know she cheated on me for sure with 3 women, and yet, I too took her back all those times, for 4 years. My current fiancé is about as different from her as you can get. He’s loyaland kind and just generally less…work…than her. Not because he’s a man, but because he’s able to control his carnal urges better than her and he’s a lot less dramatic than her. I’ve known both men and women, gay & straight alike, that were complete horndogs and cheated on their SO’s numerous times. It’s not really just confined to men/women relationships.
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[contd] relationship is an example of exactly what NOT to do.. but I don’t really have a good example of what TO do. I know what I want, and what I think is important in a partner, but I don’t really have a good working example of marriage or love. It kinda sucks.. I just hope that knowing how NOT to go about it can make up for the fact that I’m not quite sure what I should be doing.. lol 🙂
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ryn – i posted the subtitled version because i figure none of my readers know spanish! haha
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RYN \ Oh yeah, her issues with that completely stem from her upbringing. She grew up in a strict, Spanish speaking only household and I think she just…needed so much attention growing up that she acted out in the most primal way she knew how. I know for a fact she’s cheated on every person she’s been with, every single one. That with her parents having still, to this day, not accepted her homosexuality (even though, at the tender age of 7, she proclaimed to her sister that she was gay, and she’s 26 now), just creates a whole mess of issues. Needing attention from her parents, her parents never accepting her…it makes sense…
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RYN: Thank you for your advice. Its exactly how I’m thinking. Beyond ego, there are economic realities and I am certainly going to prioritise the stability of my job and the responsibilities I have to my family. Who do I admire? Hillary. She probably always knew the deal.
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An Insightful & Interesting Entry – Thank you! As much as I love sex and conversely cringe at the WASPish, Stepford wives overlay [let’s not forget potential extreme emotional pain] contained within the thought of building a relationship with just one woman; I’d still like nothing more than to do so. I ain’t goin to happen in this lifetime though b/c it’s too late for me. <br> Oh, yes, my answer to your question: I admire Mrs. Clinton most out of the three listed. She had to and did so, while under the nation’s media microscope, maintain both an outer and inner serenity and stood loyally by her husband. Intuitively, I feel that the Clinton family is both stronger and closer as a result of sucessfully processing, as a family, that devastating public exposure. That President Clinton is forever grateful to his wife. This was readily apparent in the daughter’s wedding. I’m off to have some random sex before work…
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Also, (just kinda regarding this entry) I feel like it’s very natural for men and women both to wonder what it’s like to be with other people even when they’re in a committed relationship. I don’t think it’s an everyday occurrence to cheat though, I think that only comes in to play when both parties aren’t working together.. there’s usually some kind of disconnect. That’s just my opinion tho..
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AND thanks for your notes. 🙂 You always have nice things to say, and I always forget to come back and say thanks. So here’s like 5 thanks in a row.. lol.
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RYN: It’s currently 4am in the UK (where I am) which means the vast majority of the Europe is currently asleep (where we have a rather large audience) and the traffic on the east coast of the USA is already starting to drop as well due to it being after 11pm. However, please remember that the admin team are all volunteers. We aren’t paid for our time and I personally spend up to 3 hours of my time each day answering helpdesk queries (which is why I’m still awake at this insane time), OD boards posts and deleting spam diaries. Despite what you may think, it simply isn’t possible for us to devote time to checking each indivual entry for rules violations, lately I haven’t even had time to write in my own diary. I appreciate you feel you’re being singled out, but as I said in my last message, we rely on the our diarists to let us know about a problem. If someone reports an entry, we’ll investigate it and take the appropriate action. –X
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I am a woman with the views of a man who isn’t getting it at home from my boyfriend. Have I cheated? Possibly but not with intent to be a whore…with the intent to feel wanted by another as I don’t feel wanted by the one who claims to love me! So there for I am always needing to have that connection so if it be getting it from creeping then so be it! On the other hand, I still need him!….
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But refuse to beg for it! So what is a girl to do? Leave? Sure that is the next available option and seems to be the road that is straight ahead! But for now until I put foot to pavement I still have this burning need! Right or wrong…this is a lot of the issues that plague men and women! So yes…It is on both sides of the fence!
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Rather than complain over and over about being “singled out”, I would appreciate if you would respect our Rules instead of trying to point out what you think we are doing wrong. You have been through this process with us enough times, with us having to change your entries to FO – you know what our guidelines are and they have been explained to you multiple times. If you don’t start making these types of entries FO when you post them, I will be forced to start deleting them rather than giving you the benefit of the doubt each time. I appreciate your future cooperation with this matter.
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Wait…why is this entry getting censored? Did I miss something? I’ve seen a lot more “explicit” type entries from you than this one! Anyway…never been cheated on. In any relationship. I think a lot of that probably has to do with the fact that I just wouldn’t stand for it. If my hubby cheated he would be out the door. He knows it. In terms of whether men crave multiple women or monogamy…
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…I think it really depends on the man. I know some men who are terrified of commitment and some who are not. Although, honestly the ones I know who are scared of commitment (these ones are my platonic friends, so I think they might be more honest with me) are all really craving a personal connection. They just are scared of it for various reasons….choosing the wrong person and being stuck…
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…or getting cheated on and hurt themselves! But I do have to say that most of the men I know who cheat or seek out lots and lots of women are coming more from a place of insecurity than anything else. Having lots of women find you desirable builds up the ego, I’m sure. Generally, though, I meet more married men than single, just due to social circumstances, so I tend to know more of the…
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..committed types. By the way, your last few entries all sound to me like you’re starting to tire of the impersonal encounters and wanting something more substantive. I don’t think you’ll ever find that with a prostitute, because you know that “relationship” will come to an end.
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ryn- you’re right and i was thinking about that last night. i will be able to narrow people down easier in whether or not they’re interested in me for the long term or not because of this, so that;s helpful but yeah, most wont see any outer difference so i’ll still hav to put up with the same BS…. id rather just not put up with any of t at all for a long time!
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RYN: which part exactly are you referring to?
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Hi John, the Dear Diary is down and I thought, i’d leave you a note that I’m of to Austria tonight. I won’t be back till 2nd of October, so if my silence starts to ofend you, remember – it was not meant to. you take care and be good 😉 PS just thought of another news that you might be interested in: this Friday I went to the Immigration Tribunal hearing. I won. feels strange… {hugs} Lana
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RYN: It doesn’t feel like I’m the one in charge though.. and where exactly am I supposed to go to find guys?
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RYN \ That’s what I told my fiancé, that I should put them under my pillow. Lol!
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if people were just honest with themselves and eachother, would there really even be a need for cheating?
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RYN: I’m well aware of how normal it is for ppl my age to be experiencing similar problems, its still hard to accept unfortunately. But really, thank you so much for your note. There are more important things (and in this case people) out there to focus my energy on 🙂 xo
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RYN: yea that’s exactly how it was. Regardless tho, as a rule, I don’t stick with somebody if I’m unhappy. And I have yet to find someone who I’ve cared about enough to ‘make it work.’
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Hillary Clinton! She may be a bitch but she gets shit done! Thanks for your comment by the way! I’m really enjoying this website!
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I do not think your interactions with prostitutes is anything like a real relationship. Your desires to seek out a new prostitute or anything like that is not something that is like a man in a marriage cheating on his wife. People cheat for many reasons, sometimes they are addicted to the feeling of the newness of a relationship, sometimes they are addicted to sex period
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sometimes they are acting out of revenge, sometimes they are being abused and want someone to be nice to them and sometimes they think the grass greener on the other side. There are many reasons and it is all very complicated as real relationships take a lot of work and people are complicated. But, until you are in a real relationship instead of seeking out paid for sex I don’t think you really
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have a right to make guesses or judgments about relationships. I don’t understand why you would constantly seek out a prostitute instead of a relationship your entire life, there must be something completely whacked about you (or you are extremely ugly, even then I am sure you could find someone)
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Should we guess that the last three notes were written by a woman (most likely) who is trying to justify the cheating which has gone on (both ways, probably) in her relationship? Does she feel that if only the online virtual world knows her secret that she won’t look bad in the neighborhood/workplace for not leaving the lout? Newness, sex, abuse, green grass? Sounds perfect for prostitution!
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i cheated on my partner once..about a year and a half ago..in all honesty it was the best sex i’ve ever had to date..but i think theres just something wrong with my brain, it was wrong, i was in so much pain, and i really really hated this guy. it was also the worst sexual experience i’ve ever had. within..2-4weeks..i don’t remember anymore..he raped me twice.stalking me..he pulled me into the car
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took me somewhere and planned on leaving me there if i did not have sex with him.if id tell him he was hurting me.hed laugh and do it harder. i have 3 pair of teeth marks in my neck and jaw still visible. i couldnt bare myself to press charges.3 other girls did, he graduated being a child malester.i just didnt want to feel like a victim, or that i wasnt the only one. i believed the lies…
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i plan to do that in this diary. it’s just not at the top of the list, lol.
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RYN: I don’t believe that any woman “lures” a man into “crossing lines he wouldn’t otherwise have crossed.” It implies that men lack self-control, which is ridiculous, and also that women invite men (unwittingly or not) to sexually harass them. I also feel strongly that differentiating prostitutes from “decent citizens” is a strong statement about your perception of sex and women. But
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what else should I expect from a man who calls himself a John? I belong to no religion; no book has told me to say this to you, but… for shame, sir.
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Mention and muse all you want…no problem 🙂
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RYN: Thank you for your considered, intelligent response to my note; I expected an argumentative retort and I was pleasantly surprised. But: I’m not interested in bandying about semantics. No one interprets words based strictly on their dictionary definitions. The word “retarded” is a nice example; its literal definition is “held back” or “slowed down.” I don’t read the word “decent” and think…
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“improper.” I read it, consider the context, reflect on all my knowledge and experience with prostitution, and see it as a dehumanizing statement. I think you were only trying to speak in a language you felt I’d understand, but you don’t know my eyes; you’ve never seen through them. Prostitution is almost never a positive experience for women. Their job is to deceive you of the fact.
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Finally: what I “merely” described is a frightening situation that women face regularly. We don’t feel safe when we walk the streets. We feel like prey. As an earnest human being, I ask that you don’t dismiss the situation. It’s frightening, degrading, and it happens all the time. Adieu.
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ryn: I didn’t even know Balto was a few paces away until the next day when I stumbled across him during my walk through the park. I definitely thought of you!
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Note here related to cheating or being cheated? LOL read my whole diary….!
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