Free and Simple

 Last night I let myself become a slave to cigarettes again.
It is temporary insanity until I can see a doctor, really.

And then,
I went to the gym.

I suppose that statement is anything but earth-shattering.
But to me, it was.

You see, there is something about working out that just….quiets everything.
Everything becomes muted; my chaotic thoughts, my overwhelming anxiety, my what if?s and reminiscences and hopes, my anger and petulance, my feelings of inadequacy, the bumpy striations of stress.
It is all forgotten in the thundering rush of blood pouring through my body. The erratic beating of my heart. The stretching and strengthening of my muscles as I push myself to exert actual, tangible force.
Suddenly, I am just being.

Not thinking. Not feeling.
Not "trying not to think" — nor "trying not to feel".

I cease being an emotionally and physically distant friend,
a struggling lover,
a thoughtful and ever-patient daughter and sibling.
A failed, out-of-practice writer.
A college drop out.
A careerless, humorless, passionless waste of a human being.

Don’t mistake the above paragraph;
I know I can be better than all that self-effacement..
it’s just that those are the scathing labels my Ego gives me.

The point is that when I am exercising, running, lifting, whatever.
I feel so…powerful, alive….free.
And ultimately, it is a way for my high-strung persona to return to the basics
and cultivate that simplicity I’m always raving about.

Because if there is one most important thing that I can take away from my limited experience on this earth, living my own unique story,
it is this:
simplicity is better. always.