approaching autumn

I was crabby yesterday and so he picked me up and we drove through rural Wisconsin. There’s something about those wide, open fields that puts me in a more cheerful mood. Perhaps I was somehow feeling cramped subconsciously. Perhaps. And as we drove, I let my eyes take in those green and yellow fields, dotted by red barns (and probably a few scenes out of Deliverance, but, nevertheless..). Tiny cities everywhere that I’ve never been to (Watertown), or never heard of (Lebanon). It was strange how uplifted I became, and how quickly. I had my chilled fingers wrapped around a too-expensive apple cider, and the wind coming in through the windows had the bite of Autumn. Yes, yes, and so much yes.

We even talked a little about the styles of houses we like, pointing them out as we passed them. I am not opposed to a house made of timber, cabin-like, but I am picky about it. It was nice to think about the future that way; just the same as when we entered Home Depot together the day prior. It was fun running my hands over granite counter tops and exclaiming over particularly fetching hardware — thinking, "Oh, hey, maybe someday I will be able to own these things."

Apparently my brief renovation project in my now-room wasn’t enough. And in here I painted, exchanged the drapes, clothed my new bed, organized, purged, and dispelled the clusterfuck of cords. I also attempted to change the doorknob (mine doesn’t lock and is a horrible shade of brass) but our doors are stupid and old hardware is so much LONGER than current hardware. Gee wilikers. And all of this within roughly twenty-four hours

Also, can I rave about my bed? IT’S FUCKING AWESOME!! Adjustable beds are HANDS DOWN the way to go. Considering we all spend a third of our lives here…you know, whatever excuse works.

I’ve also been going a little money crazy….racking my debt up to nearly $2200. Relax. I know. It will get paid. The majority of that balance was on expensive necessaries — i.e. my bed. Still makes me a little anxious and etc, but I will live, and it will get paid. Mark my words. I already paid off one of (now 4…Jesus) credit cards. Plus I got a really awesome Betta fish.

Well, it’s nearly quarter to eleven, I have to get ready for work. Hopefully I figure out exactly what I want to do with my job situation because it is seriously stressing me out. I know once November hits I’ll be struggling again if I stay where I am. And I just…can’t. It sucks, because I’ve grown attached to the people, and the people have gotten attached to me. But, I am not going to waste five years there (like I did at the CLI) because I’m a little bitch and afraid to hurt people’s feelings. Enough.

Time to finish my coffee. Hope everyone is splendid.

And here’s to optimism! i struggle with it so freaking much, but it is so worth it.

Love

Amanda