Scrambled Mind

 It was about 9:30 on a Thursday night when I forced him to accompany me to Port Washington so we could admire the dirty waves of Lake Michigan. It doesn’t bother me that it’s dirty because it’s still a large body of soothing water. And I am a fan of water.

We talked of deeper things, like how he is resentful of his younger brother which is why he has such a short fuse with him. I understand why and wish, for the thousandth time, that he’d take it up with a counselor of some sort just to clear his heavy heart that he’s been dragging around since 2004. Not my choice, though, and I support him either way.

My sister is moving up to UWO on the 30th and I will finally get a room (even if it is a sickly shade of bubblegum pink). This "living on a couch and not really having any room or SPACE for myself" thing is getting pretty old, and I think, after 8+ months of taking my "good night’s sleep" on one couch or another, I have learned my lesson. It is a year of lessons and I really, really want 2013 to just go away.

This whole year has been a lesson in "this is why you shouldn’t get uppity and squander pretty things, because life can get pretty ugly".

Sometimes I feel like I’m just complaining and "first world problems" and all that, but I know of very few (if any) who have no bed.

Plus, I’m conditioning myself to do without all the rest. Well, ok, besides the car stereo I just splurged on, but, GUYS, IT CHANGES COLORS & HAS IPOD CAPABILITIES AND SHIT. But I’ll be downgrading my phone to a flip phone — a pay-as-you-go. I never use the goddamn thing. Because, FYI, my social skills are not the best, ok, they are sub-par really.

I’m also trying to condition myself to live on what I need, to budget, to practice a very loose sort of minimalism, etc.

Did I mention that I purged most of my boxed-up apartment things? My wardrobe? My shoes (not that I had as many as most others do)?
Frankly, I haven’t even bought any extra clothes…well, except a pair of jeans, but I had to, because Dustin and I wrecked a pair…well, ok, it’s not important.

Every moment of heartache is meant to cast light upon some lesson. To teach us the folly of pride while instilling humility. To teach us to cherish the good and not put up with the bad (life is too long…or too short for that). Random. I’m all over the place today.

 

I really hope that factory job will happen soon. Jennie may be able to hook me up at a factory where her friend works just minutes from where my old apartment was. It has benefits, good pay, paid vacations/holidays. Etc. What’s not to love? It will be twelve-hour shifts, but I work all the time anyway, so I doubt twelve-hour shifts will take a toll on me.

I need to find a bed, and fast. I’m thinking craigslist.

 

 

So, um…I have to do things. Make a smoothie. Go to the gym (have literally not gone in well over a month and a half). Finish laundry. Find a bed. Mentally prep for the awful week ahead at work.

 

Did I mention I hit a maintenance guy’s car with a garbage bin? Long story.

 

Hope everyone is well.

 

Love

Amanda