smiling eyes

 My soul cries for you.
I want to write you a message but none of my words can reconcile the destruction I’ve caused.

a torrent of hopeless, heartbroken tears could not melt the stone heart i’ve given you.
tears that have saddened you numerous times,
but I am finding that you are unlike the earth; not every rainfall can soften the soil.

i miss the solidarity of your thick forearm,
and how secure i felt when you wrapped it around me.
you were a fortress, and I, the treasure.
 

the exploding warmth of your forehead kisses;
you have the softest mouth I have ever explored.

am i delirious? is this a dream?
will i awaken and find your sleepy, warm eyes gazing, enraptured, into mine?
i don’t know if third time’s the charm, but i doubt i’ll have the pleasure of finding out.
 

i rage against it, all of it; i cannot let you go.
but there is nothing i can do to change it.

i’m broken; sick.
i tried to explain before, though I was unable to name the plague at the time — now I know —
but even the most flexible threads snap eventually.
have you snapped?
because the pure, goodhearted part of my soul is just awakening.

it is lying in this foreign bed, in this empty room,
that I ache for you the most;
not because i’m alone,

but because it doesn’t matter how many try to win my heart;
they cannot win something that is lost forever, irretrievable — namely, in your pocket.

there are some that are as nice as you, have as beautiful eyes as you do, have similar humor and interests to yours.
I’ve met some that are more charming than you, or more talented in some way.

but ah, you are irreplaceable,
and I don’t want to settle.
 

Are these feverish writings just proof of my sickness, or
is it recognizing the sort of bond that can never be severed because it is metaphysical — it goes beyond comprehension?

i wish some of these answers would be quicker in coming.

think of me with smiling eyes tonight, my love.