Co-Dependency Rears Its Ugly Head

Still battling co-dependency. This kind of stuff just creeps up on you sometimes, doesn’t it? I totally got the wrong image in my head… like, if I wasn’t trying to fix/help/save anyone, it would make everything all better. Nope, that is totally not true.
Yes, finding "victims" to "help" is definitely a sign of co-dependency. But I think the real problem is what lies underneath: i.e. the emotional aspect of it. And it’s a hard thing to deal with on a regular basis.
See, the problem was never my relationships….ok, yes it was. Big PART of the problem. But more of it is me. I still act the same way, feel (mostly) the same way, despite the fact that I am in a healthy relationship. I am with someone who adores me, someone who is independent, someone who is more likely to take care of me than I him.
But what about…

Masking my pain in various ways such as anger, humor, or isolation?
Expressing negativity and aggression in indirect or passive ways?
Having difficulty admitting that I’ve made a mistake?
Judging everything I think, do, and say harshly?
Avoiding emotional, physical, or sexual intimacy as a way of maintaining distance?
Allowing my addictions to people, places, and things to distract me from achieving intimacy in relationships?
Pulling people toward me, but when they get close, pushing them away?
Believing showing emotion is a sign of weakness?
Withholding expressions of appreciation?
Being sensitive to how others are feeling, and therefore, feeling the same way?
Becoming resentful when other people will not let me help them?
Freely offering my advice/directions without being asked?
Refusing to cooperate, compromise, or negotiate?
Adopting an attitude of indifference, helplessness, authority, or rage to manipulate outcomes?

Yup, I’ve still got the bug all right. Drat. I’m really bad at this.
Hmm, just one more thing to work on. It’s not really fair to Dustin to be a bear all the time. You can’t always blame it on AF 🙂
Well, I should rest. It’s almost 4, I just finished a paper that I need to re-edit before class tomorrow. But I was thinking about this stuff and decided to write it down.
Love,
Amanda