Frustrating

stop, think, stare
the truth’s already there.

"just… let it all out if you need to," he said to me.
Let it all out? I wasn’t close to crying at all. My emotions, for once, weren’t all over the place. Everything was still inside me – everything.
What else could I ask of him? He’s everything a good boyfriend should be. He listens to me, he supports me, he comforts me, he encourages me, he knows me. Down to the very cells that interlock to form who I am. He knows when to be serious or to try to make me laugh, he knows how i do things, and more importantly – WHY i do things, and…well… he just knows. Well, sometimes he doesn’t, but who’s perfect? What more could I ask of him? He’s basically already thrown his heart on the table.
And all the while, I’m thinking to myself, "Why can’t I act this way towards him?" He gives up EVERYTHING for me. He’s been dedicating himself to me, to helping me, to finding the right answer. But the truth is – he has issues too. So why am I not acting like the good girlfriend I know I can be?
This whole thing is stressing me out – and frustrating me. I want to be that person I knew I was. I want to be the good girlfriend, the fun best friend, the opinionated daughter and the hard-working student. I’m frustrated.
And I just want to get out of this hell hole.

<3 amanda