Darling, you should know..

Things lately are not as they seem, and it wears me thin. But I did not come here to vent. I vented everything out in the angry tears that pooled at my feet with the shower water. I vented everything out on the roughened freeway at midnight last night, armed with cigarettes, a chocolate shake, and the serenity of someone I love as dearly as my own soul.
I suppose I should be hurt by all the things that have been happening to me, and in a sense, I have been. I have ranted and raved til my face is as blue as the blueberries I was sneaking from the cooler yesterday. It never amounts to anything substantial, much like the brief pity party I throw myself when it’s all over. I am working on reconfiguring my entire stress management program, it is just slow going.
No, I came here to learn to appreciate. I don’t have many friends, but this is OK because the ones I do have are solid and loyal.. most of the time. In only a brief period, it will all change for the better, anyway. I came here to appreciate the star that has always been there to guide my way. Sometimes he just looks at me and knows what I want. Nothing can ever eclipse that.
I am an adult. It is time to stop dilly-dallying around. It is time to do some spring cleaning. Most of all, it is time to stretch to reach something, to become something. And hopefully along the way, I realize what that something is.
That is all.
Love,
Amanda