Water In My Lungs

Every musical note is like a razorblade sliding down my skin, stabbing into my soul.
I feel like someone is beating me with a hammer. So constantly torn between love and hate, pain and laughter. And it’s not fair; I understand but selfishness still persists. I pray for strength but I know I don’t have any, I just put on a real good show.
I try to remember your cold words, your carelessness and callousness, the venom and anger that leaked from your ugly, twisted mouth. But all I see is blue eyes and soft smiles and "I love you"s whispered so delicately in the night.
Love and hate, pain and pleasure. All these swirling emotions and I am lost. Sometimes I just want to drown in it all.

God help me.
Amanda.

lost my mind thinking it through, the light inside has left me too, now i know what empty is.