The Illusion of Feeling It Bone-Deep

I come to, still in the chair
as yellow angels step with care
I was mesmerized by the starch of the sky
and the smooth road sliding underneath the wheels

I am all broken, like
shards of glass run through my veins
and I have knives in place of bones.
I want to escape the warming heat of a
saffron summer,
even as the shiver in my step
becomes more pronounced.

I am so shaky, so dry, to unbelievably warm,
my dreams are cracked riverbeds,
my words are mellow and bumpy,
and if I believe I am vindicated,
my soul rejects even the thought.

What do I run from?
What makes my heart cower?
So many questions,
the answers are elusive and foggy,
like the time before awakening and pouring oneself
into the deepest sleep.

Noise and chaos follow me,
even as my parched laughter reaches my ears.
Outside I am languid and yellow smiles and soft skin,
and inside I am knots, twisted and warped and out of sync.

As my veins pulse with blood,
I CAN FEEL THE CHANGE.

It comes, every so often,
this evasive feeling that change is about to hit.
It’s like that cooling sensation you get before a storm
wreaks havoc.

Sigh,
I wish I could only explain.

One day my subconscious will make itself known,
until then I walk alone.

Wake up,
you’re sleeping behind the wheel.

amanda.