Of Learning & Love & Stars (!)

HELLO JUNE!
I don’t know why I’m so excited over June currently. It’s just a month caught between Crazy May and Sweltering July. Perhaps I’m excited because it’s beautiful enough to take a multitude of pictures that generally turn out  very idiotically (is that a word?) more often than not. Sometimes, though, I will find a sparkling gem in which I exclaim, "Wow, I look great!" in a fit of non-modest glee. The picture to the left…well, I just like the sunglasses. Even if everyone claims that they are Loomis’. *shakes head*

In relation to my title, I have been learning an awful lot through books in the "CODEPENDENCY" section at Half Price Books (thanks to Lisa, my guiding star). Today, I all but snuggled with my book, reading through pages and pages of woman-wisdom, occasionally finding nuggets of truth. For instance, I read today that maintaining a separate life outside a relationship is very important, otherwise you will lose sight of who you are, and be even more devastated if the relationship ends in disaster. GASP. I know; who would’ve thought? I also learned that my constant frustration with the opposite sex that inevitably ends with the Bad Guy Syndrome (meaning that all of a sudden, men are full of deceit and trickery and incurable self-centeredness and other nuggets of awfulness) is due too an extreme lack of alone time. Tip here: Angst = NEED DISTANCE. Again, GASP. Most things I read in that book are things I’ve known forever (through past mistakes), it’s just that I get temporary amnesia with every new relationship. MUST. STOP. CYCLE.!!

I know I’m only seventeen, but what better time to learn than in your youth?

Which brings up another amusing point. Most other 17 year old girls are busy squealing over Hannah Montana or something innocuous like that. Most other 17 year old girls are trying to avoid going to the "next base" with boys. Most other 17 year old girls are concerned with lipgloss and steering wheel covers including fairies and stupid concerts on really hot days. But me? I’m reading books with titles like "Seven Empowering Strategies For Better Relationships" and trying to avoid strangling my baby sister for demanding money from my parents instead of getting an actual job (she’s almost 16, damnit!). Sometimes I think my biological age fits me like my grandmother’s sweaters.

As for the Revenge Arena, I was trampled by a large horse. While I paced around my room cleaning things with Windex that haven’t seen a good dusting in years, he sat there and stared at me. Finally I sat down, and in my ever-expressive way, emotion-vomited on his shoes. Like "HI, I’M GOING TO TALK A MILE A MINUTE AND YOU’RE GOING TO LISTEN BECAUSE I WAS UPSET AND I FIGURED THIS OUT AND I’D RATHER YOU DIDN’T DO THIS AND WHAT DO YOU THINK?" Also, I found it wryly amusing that he had the same deer-in-headlights look as he always does when I go on my verbal rampages. I even laughed at him this afternoon and said, "You know what you look like? Like you forgot your sword and shield at home. I’m in a tank and you forgot your damned sword." And then I laughed again.

But then he got out his best weapon….which I can’t particularly identify. Really, I think he just distracts me well enough so I forget the point of my rampage, or so that I run out of steam. And after that he makes me giggle and then, before I know it, he is kissing my nose and my forehead and I am smitten. Sigh. I’m not rightly sure what to think of that at the moment. I’ll sort it out at some point.

Cheers for text messages that state, "Yeah well, you’re funny and beautiful and smart and a good singer and an all around good person. So I think the title of ‘sweetheart’ is yours."

I’m not easy to please, I just. . . . ok, I’m easy to please.

As for stars, I miss my fallingstar. Her notes always bring a smile to my heart, and I have a blast word-wrangling with her. And she always mentions fun and delicious things like cupcakes and maiming people (especially SLAGs). It makes me laugh, for I am a closet sadist. In any case, though I am hopped up on enough caffeine to permanently paralyze a horse, I should be getting ready for bed.

Love your ever-spaztastical friend,
Amanda