Visit 2 [EDIT]

I need to un-learn my way of trying to be an adult…because I’m not.
I was told today that I need to learn to be content with "boring" in relationships. This means that i need to stop involving myself with people who have a crisis. Evidently, in relationships, I always feel that I need to fix things. I always have to fix/save/rescue people from their problems, and in the process, i lose sight of myself. I do this because I am not comfortable in my own skin. Maybe that’s true… I’m not sure. I’ll have to evaluate it a little more.
I also must stop worrying. In all reality, I should be focusing on teenage stuff… not all this adult crap. I don’t know how to do this. I was told to do this but I’m not sure how. And I’m scared. I don’t know if I can turn back the clock and "un-learn" this behavior. I’m not sure I even want to try. She told me that eventually I will merge into the adult world anyway, so why not worry less for right now? She’s right but I…I just don’t know.
I’m so scared right now. I’m scared of change. I’m scared of loss.
I need to get over it. I wonder where I’ll find the strength this time.
Not sure I have any left.
Oh, god.
amanda.
  ——–

Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are:

• An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
• A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue
• A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
• A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
• An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
• An extreme need for approval and recognition
• A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
• A compelling need to control others
• Lack of trust in self and/or others
• Fear of being abandoned or alone
• Difficulty identifying feelings
• Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
• Problems with intimacy/boundaries
• Chronic anger
• Lying/dishonesty
• Poor communications
• Difficulty making decisions

Oh hell, every one of those is me.