You’ll Always Shine in My Eyes

What am I but ashes set aflame with but the flick of a match? Where one sidewalk ends another begins; where one blossom is crushed underfoot, another blooms, seemingly sparkling like some beacon of hope. Do I doubt…am I afraid? I’m not afraid. Once I was merely an accident, a coincidence, if you will, but now I am a proverbial goddess. I was never tarnished or broken; it was merely the light shining on me that caused the marred appearance. Now I finally feel truly golden, winking gloriously at anything or anyone that is presented.
And why should I be deprived of euphoria? Why should I hide my face in the darkness when the light is so much more appealing? Perhaps some are meant to skulk in the shadows, but I was meant to glitter reverberantly. I have the potential to do so. Why should I stay myself on an ever-fleeting image? just a glimpse, i told myself at night. I wanted a view of magnificence but when I obtained what was sought after, I was cast into a gloomy shell of myself.
I cannot stay when there is nothing to hold me. I spent so long clutching at what was merely momentary, even if it meant I’d shine red. No more. I can’t take any more.
The one who causes me to glow should obtain the effects of it, do you not agree? You didn’t make me shine…you didn’t want to. I held on so tightly to the dream that one day you’d come to your senses….senses I have long admired. You never did….and I am thoroughly convinced you never will.
So what can I do besides dive headfirst into the ocean that has welcomed me? I have been playing in a dirty puddle for far too long. Narcissism, arrogance? No. But I am worth more than gray skies and murky puddles…and you know it. You’ve remarked upon it on more than one occasion.
If you do indeed love me, you’d treat me as a treasure. Treasure. Ring a bell? I refuse to quote the obvious so I will not. Know I will continue to give you my full attention…but also know that my heart is healing in the light of acceptance. Respect. Genuine desire.
So here I am; leave me on your doorstep or invite me in. Truly.
Indecision won’t cut it now.

I will always love you,
Amanda