My Soul Will Not Submit

Giddy. Washed-out. High-strung. Burn out.
My heart has absorbed all of the venom rushing through my veins.
Such venom has branded itself on my skin cells through no fault but mine.
Now my heart is rotted through,
but never have I felt so pretty,
never have I felt so completely alive,
and strong.

Strength is gained through weakness; and
there is nothing to fix when nothing is broken.

i am cold, black glass that doesn’t mind a bit of sunshine;
the sunshine is absorbed and stored.
It’s all about appearances and I’ve become a mirror;
The sunshine is now reflected; therefore it is not genuine.
I exist through reflection, through pleasing sights.

Stand, climb, and fall….I carry the world, can’t carry alone.

I am repetition, I am practice, I exist through fault with a dash of humor.
Self-loathing has become a veritable passtime, though short-lived
and drowned out through guilt and selflessness.
I’ve realized… I can’t fight this torturous battle
  with dark thoughts humming seductively in my ear,
I can’t breathe when accompanied by suffocating bitterness,
so I give it all up in favor of a tiny lifeboat.
Lifeboat of laughter, save me, because nothing else will.
And all the poison I pour into me tastes like wine;
better it be poison rather than salt.

Poison breeds anger,
salt breeds pain;
at least anger restores the blood in my veins.

Yet,
I am strong through imitation,
I am harbored on invitation.
Crook of a finger, I lay like bricks for you to flounce on.
Collective you.
My downfalls are many but resilience is my greatest quality,
either that or the emotions felt like burning blood were only the prick of a needle.
And none of this is coming out right, with awkward phrases and silly comparisons and the desperate undertone of someone who is forcing her subconcious to submit.

"and i swallowed every drop, yes I could feel my stomach rot, and you were so supportive as I drank through the pain…" – alkaline trio

Cautioners 
Jimmy Eat World

The time I would spend with pictures I would not send.
I watched you go from left to right.
I followed you all night across my blinds.
You’ll change your mind come monday and turn your back on me.
You’ll take your steps away with hesitance.
Take your steps away from me.
I’m making my peace, making it with distance.
Maybe that’s a big mistake.
You know I’m thinking of you.
I miss you.
You’ll change your mind come monday and turn your back on me.
You’ll take your steps away with hesitance.
You’ll take your steps away from me.
You’ll change your mind come monday and turn your back on me.
Take your steps away with hesitance.
Take your steps away from me.