I Can’t Save You, Goddamnit.

I CAN’T.
I am not Jesus Fucking Christ himself; I can’t perform miracles.
It kills me every fucking second that I try so very hard to save lives, and it pays off only minimally.
This summer has been the summer of suicide.
There are people trying to hurt themselves left and right, threatening to ‘end it all’ which in turn, causes all of the people that care to follow in the same direction.
It’s a stupid neverending fucking chain and I can’t stand it anymore.
I can’t hold you up when you put the damned noose around your neck.
My arms get tired. My mind begins to numb as my entire body shuts down with the effort to hold you up.
There’s one person stacked upon another, and even I climb up to the top of that stack every once in awhile.
I can’t take it anymore; I’m going insane.
Ever since boys started taking an interest in me, they’ve sworn to me that I’m their everything.
That they can’t live without me.
I don’t. understand.
Why ME?
What’s so goddamned special about me…especially with my every flaw?
I am NOT the damned "end all be all".
I am nothing special at all, and yet I’ve had quite a few people swear that I’m their fucking everything.
FUCK YOU.
Does anyone know, or even care in the LEAST, how much pressure that puts on me?
No WONDER I feel like I fuck up constantly!
BECAUSE I’M EXPECTED TO BE SPECTACULAR.
…which I am plainly NOT.

How does it go?
OH YES…
"I can’t save your life, though nothing I bleed for is more tormenting. I’m losing my mind and you just stand there and stare as my world divides."

PEACE BITCHES

amanda.

p.s. please excuse the weirdness