Blur

Quote: “Life is all about timing… the unreachable becomes reachable, the unavailable become available, the unattainable… attainable. Have the patience, wait it out It’s all about timing." -Stacey Charter

My aunt and uncle went to Aruba for 6 day, leaving me to house sit. Watch the dog, take in the mail, all that stuff. Me being who I am, I of course invited some people over Friday night. It was just a small get together, a bunch of old friends drinking in the back yard and taking full advantage of the hot tub.

It seemed important because now that it’s August, the line’s between beginnings and endings are starting to blur. Sunday was our last Entourage night because by next week one of us will have already left for school. In just over 3 weeks I’ll be moving, embarking on new adventures. I really wanted a solid good time with important people and that’s exactly what I got.

I invited Brianne, a girl I almost dated when I was 16. I wrote about her an entry from October, called Postcards, if you wanted to knoew more. Too much had gotten in the way back then. Our own immaturities, issues with my parents, my tendency to kiss girls that weren’t her. We’d remained friends, she’s sent me a post card from every country she’s ever been too. I’d have done the same only I’ve rarely left the state, let alone the country. It was nice introducing her to my freinds, taking shots, remembering old times.

Even better was all of splashing around in the hot tub, raising our red rups in the air, cheering for the future while enjoing the present.

Everyone seemed to slowly filter out of the hot tub, leaving me and Brianne behind. I started talking, probably too much, the way I always do when I drink. I started talking about how anxious I was to gain more life experience so that I could catch up to her. How I was sorry I screwed things up a few years back and so much more. Then, we were kissing, followed by making out. I slid off her top and she began to pull on the strings of my bathing suit. In just a few seconds I was sitting in the hot tob, jets blowing all around us, completely shocked to have a naked girl, specifically this naked girl, on top of me. I was even more surprised when I found myself having sex in the hot tub with a girl I’d long thought was completely out of my league.

We eventually ended up in a bed, rolling around in the sheets, clothes and  towels strewn around the floor.
 "I needed this," I whispered, holding onto her tight, staring into her eyes. "Not just the sex, but this. You know, being with someone who matters."
 "Me too," She whispered.

We fell asleep not too long after. She woke me up fully dressed early the next morning, she had to leave for work. But not before leaving me with something to remember her by. I’m sure you can guess what it was.

I spent the next day lounging in the yard, contemplating my current situation while playing with the dog. So many times the night before I wanted to scream "WHAT DOES THIS MEAN?", I held back remembering I need to not be such a girl about these things. I’m not sure where we’re going to end up, especially since she goes to school in Maryland and I’ll be in North Jersey. I wasn’t sure the blurry events of the night before were a beginning or an ending.

I was home Tuesday night, wearing a hoodie in August in an attempt to cover the hickies left to me by Brianne. I sipped a coke and downloaded music when my phone began to buzz. It was Brianne, she told me to come outside.

I walked out my front door to see her Civic parked at the stop sign, her leaning against the car, twirling the keys in her hand. THe exact same stance she took in April of 2006 on her way home from an award’s dinner. I crossed the street and as soon as were close enough to kiss, that’s exactly what we did.

Past, present, future, beginnings, endings…they all came together in the moment, that kiss.

That said, I still don’t know what it means for us.