Married Women, Marijuana, and Morals

Quote: "Immorality: the morality of those who are having a better time" -Henry Louis Menken

I should probably explain the situation in my last entry a little better. A friend of mine was married straight out of high school. Her husband was military, both came from religous backgrounds. It made plenty of sense at the time, only now less than two years later, it isn’t working out. And she’s making out with me while still being legally married, though separated.

I expected my friends to recoil in horror. Nick thinks it’s awesome I’ve hooked up with someone he has deemed a WILF, which he has deemed the equivalent of a MILF only you subtract the M for mother and add the W for wife. Everyone else? "Ehh..I never counted marriage as real anyway."

It is real, in the legal sense. I hung out with her the other night, unsure of how to act around her. We didn’t kiss, but I don’t think that was part of our plan. We plan to remain friends, who hook up sometimes, vowing not to let it get complicated. Truthfully, I’d be an idiot to want anything more. She’s yet to complete the divorce process, I don’t care how comfortable we are around eachother, the timing is all wrong. I’m not saying nothing will happen between us again, that’s probably far from true. My parent’s are going away for the weekend and I’m throwing a party. If a long drive was enough to get us making out by the end of the night, I’d imagine alcohol would have similar consequences.

It isn’t right, I’m aware of this, but she really is getting a divorce. We’re both young and in need of attention. Maybe giving into these needs isn’t the worst thing in the world. I’m wound pretty tight, hooking up with a beautiful married (separated) woman may be what I need.

My 17 year old cousin Dennis has different ideas. He spent much of last weekend staring at me in disbelief. I’ve never smoked pot.
 "But….the music you listen to….you just…you’re friends…you should man,"
These were his arguements. They don’t have much weight, I’m aware of this, but it got me thinking. Why haven’t I? The answer was easy, because it’s wrong. Because it’s illegal.

Then again, so is drinking, at least for another year. I’m suddenly not so sure why it’s so important that I always do the right thing. Behave the way I’m supposed to. I’m neurotic, straight laced, judgemental and self righteous. Part of me things I’m so careful to do the "right" thing simply because I like being "better" than people. It’s disgusting, but it’s true.

Plain and simple, I’m tired of thinking so much. Be it married or women or marijuana, I’m constitantly weighing options. To do, or not to do. It’s part of Kristine’s appeal. She leaps first, looks later. I spend so much time standing on the cliff, I forget to jump.

As of now I’m still on the cliff, leaning towards the leap. I sat in Dennis’s backyard tonight, discussing his upcoming senior year, the trouble he’s gotten himself into and the upcoming weekend when both of our parents will spend the weekend out of town.

"It’s going to be the best weekend of our lives," He said, as I made my way out of his house.

Something tells me I’m taking the leap.