The Life and Times of a Boredom Addict

Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, I was born. Indeed, I was born at a very young age, coming as I did from the womb of my mother on my parents side. This is called birth, and apparently must be of some interest. All the blood and screaming and crying and obscure bodily fluids- like work I suppose- have got to create a certain frisson, or at least a mess. This would probably be the high point of the excitement in my life. I’m SO….. BORED!!!!
 

Since 1983, the only exciting thing I can remember is buying a sausage roll 5 minutes ago. Admittedly that is probably because I have a memory that a goldfish would be embaressed to posess, but let us not split hairs as this is MY DIARY SO YOU’LL ACCEPT WHAT I TELL YOU AS GOSPEL OR PAY THE ULTIMATE PRICE (£7.50 excl VAT). I long for thrills excitement and Katie Sackhoff, but all I get is drudgery, boredom and Hitler. It’s not fair. I nearly got a hair cut out of sheer disgust this morning then I grew despondent and changed my mind. Plus, and this really does tell you something about my mindset, I’m worried that I’ll do a Samson and become all shite if my hair leaves me! Yes, I should get out more.

Apart from that I did a barbeque for the children and managed to give myself minor food illness as I ate a half cooked sausage- all the kids were cooked as I probed them and everything, and cooked them jolly well too, but I got bored waiting for mine so I just ate it… salmonella here I come! That was nearly exciting, without ever reaching it. I also caled a kid a freak and accidentally made one head but a table in front of his mum… that was less good. She didn’t mind though as she’s very friendly and assumes it was an accident… if only she knew…

I have my friend Wincy staying this weekend but as he was old and tired she hasn’t come in yet today. Bless her little heart. I couldn’t get time off the shop y’see, so she is going to spend the day with me here! Poor girl- she has to view the true force of my nerdity! I’m wearing fluffy toe socks that she made me- they are confusing on my poor manly feet- they are yellow and orange stripes and very thick- I look like I’ve stolen big birds tootsies…

Anyway, as I can’t be arsed to write anymore I will leave you with this thought:

If a kingdom is run by a king, and an empire is run by an emporer, who runs a country?