I am the Walrus

Hello little web-piglets, I’m afraid it’s that time of the week where I poison your heads with the deranged ramblings of an alcohol-and-chocolate-fuelled maniac.

Well, half-term is finally over and I no longer have to put up with the endless screams of pre-teenage irks causing riots, plague and apoplexy.I’m back to terms time riots plague and apoplexy, with minor kitchen duties instead. Huzzah… I think…

I am once again working in the shop, selling nerding supplies to small children. I’m such a cad. Which is like a cod, only spelt differently. I can’t believe I’m already running out of inspiration. My typing will soon be as derivative as J. K. Rowling’s. I made jam tarts last week and ate one. A perfectly reasonable thing to do you may think. This would indeed have been the case if I had waited for the jam to cool. However, I ate it while still super-heated. It was hotter than the sun I can assure you. After 15 minutes of full male-complaining I had a burn blister the size of a small grapefruit on the roof of my mouth. I had jam tarts.

That was a particularly dull story, the inclusion of which probably makes clear how dull my life really is. I will go.