Leprosy… I’m not half the man I used to be….

I have man-flu. For those of you unfamiliar with this most terminal of illnesses I shall explain.

It begins with a mild sniffel and maybe a tightness of throat. Do not be duped into thinking this will be a common cold- oh no. Within the next twelve hours all non essential male bodily functions cease to work and a man will revert to only his most basic needs- lying in bed until 3pm, eating junk food, complaining and the ability to play computer games for 5 hours at a go. By this point work will have been called and all access with the outside world will be cut off, ostensibly to prevent worldwide pandemic and the collapse of civilisation, though cynics say it’s due to laziness. Anygirlfriends in the area are expected to coo and bring warm nourishing snacks, perhaps containing fried thin slices of a domesticated hog, and health fortifying beverages, such as that bottle of pinot grigiot. No not that one- the one in the fridge, next to the milk. Yeah, I know it’s the good stuff, but I am poorly… Thank you, you know I love you. By the next day this stage should have relented and I will return to work in search of sympathy and a good feed, having run out of the pre-requisites if life (crisps, chocolate and lucozade) the day before.

Anyhoo, I am coping. I can feel your sympathy radiating from the screen- it is like a balm. A cheap balm admittedly,but a balm all the same.

Apart from that my week has been as slow as the coma-sufferers 100m sprint. Nothing much seems to happen in my life which at least makes my diaries, blogs and memoirs far easier to write. Example:

Wednesday 9th January, 2008

Rain. Went to work. It was dull. Played oblivion until 3am and forgot to eat. Bed.

Thursday 10th January 2008

Rain. Went to work. It was dull. Played oblivion until 3am and forgot to eat. Bed.

Friday 11th January 2008

Rain. Went to work. It was very dull. Played oblivion until 3am and forgot to eat. Bed.

Woohoo! That’s a hellzapoopin’ rollercoaster ride on which to feast your eyes!

I’m bored of typing now- I have important sitting to do!

Byee!