Me again…

Whisky coffee instead of salad today. I have shrunk three inches and all of my downy chest fluff combusted. I resemble a battered wizzened husk (Bruce Willis).

Oh well, the good thing about whisky in coffee is that it contains both alcohol and caffeine meaning I simultaneously have too much energy and can’t see straight. Who needs crystal meth… (ed. Addicts mainly). Shut up ed. Ed. smells.

I bought a computer game today but don’t tell Kate. If you are reading this Kate I meant I bought you a present… ummm… it’s a computer game. For me. See, I love you sooooooo much. I do.

NEWSFLASH: Shock weather in Wales- the sky has turned a funny shade of blue and a glowing orb has been spotted warming the place up. The natives are burning a virgin in the town square and chanting at this strange phenomenon. Local experts are said to be baffled. Earlier today I spoke to Dai Sheep-Gwyllym Jones, an amateur alcoholic of no fixed haircut:

"Well, I was walking out of my sheep shed y’see, after a hard nights….ummm…. well I came out of there, isn’t it? And this strange glow shone on my face boyo, surprised I was. I’ve got a lovely sheep I could introduce you too…"

Further sightings of this event have lead to many Welshmen declaring this day to be the baaaapocalypse, wherein a great fiery sheep will come amongst men and bugger them all royally in revenge. The local authorities however have declared this to be totally, undeniably bollocks.

Well, must dash

Claus, Hammer-Pants Von Ball-Swell (German Relief Masseur of the Century, Munchen Regional Finalist 1423)