Snakes and Property Ladders

Howdo, merry internet folk. Yes, I know, I have been neglecting you all, but all I can say to that is peng. And possibly flonch. Either way, I’m sure you understand the situation perfectly. I know I don’t….

Anyhoooooo, the lovely Kate and I are currently about 2/3 of an inch from renting a home together- juat waiting for the lovely paperwork to return from the magical paperwork fairies. Or head office…. Or wherever else they have to go. Yes, I am leaving my student cesspit and being elevated to the rank of a demi-god by grasping manically for my beloved wonderful paypacket…. I mean hand. I don’t just want ther for her money, I also like her…. like herrrrrr…… um…… well, I like something about her I’m sure. Her ears maybe. Possibly her medula oblongata. Yes, I have a wonderful grip on romantic language. Like Slovakian.

I’m eating a sausage roll. The taste of lightly spiced, lukewarm, mashed pig snouts is like music to my ankles. Hell yeah! Or something of the sort.

Work is going very well, as we are having things stolen on an almost weekly basis. This proves that the things we have are very desirable indeed. It’s not as popular as the cemetary though…. people are dying to get in there. Sorry, I shall go and hang myself for that appaling joke.

*SOUND OF HANGING*

Much better. I always enjoy a good hang. Helps blow away the cobwebs and get the old swonnicles rotating again. I’m drinking water now. It’s wet….. that’s all I have to say about that.

In completely different news, it’s my birthday on the 16th of next month, so send me lots of prezzies. My address is:

Mrs Noreen Cummerbund-Porterloo III

4,527 Sea Cucumber Avenue

Quimbastard

Kent

4U 2P

Tattybye my little possums

Little Tommy Tinkletoes