GlitterTom TiredPants

Who lives in a hovel in bloody North Wales?

GlitterTom Tired Pants…. etc.

Yes, due to work today I am coated in glitter. I went to the bathroom and even found some in my delightful pantyhose (well, boxers, but lets not beat about the bush… eh-hem…). The kids at work decided to throw a cupfull of glitter over my head. I look like a slightly disgruntled Tinkerbell with stubble (and lovely hair). Bloody children. May they all grow up like me! Take that for a curse and stick it up your Jack Flap.

Apart from the golden sheen I have developed the day has been quite satisfactory, though Martin decided to tell me he’d like some pants that felt like he was being gummed by a soft-mouthed clam… bless… I also had a sandwich from the bakery, but it was shit. Oh yes. I think it’s called the castle bakery as they use genuine castle stones to make into fillings. Sandwich fillings that is- I don’t think they run a backstreet dental practice too. Though you never know…

Lord Carington: "Two loaves and a bag of muffins please."

Mrs Pigstock: "Would ye be wanting anything else thar?

Lord Carrington: "Yes, I’d like two gold fillings and a triple heart bypass. For a laugh."

Mrs Pigstock: "Idiot."

That was random- do apologise old beans. Having said that, why is "Old Bean" a term of endearment? Why not Antiquated Sprout, Sextegenarian Kumquat, or Ancient Celeriac? Stupid toff phrases.

If any of you wish to know what Kate has been doing she has been getting drunk, stoned and visting funerals. I’m sure she will update soon, bless her little cardboard socks.

Tom

P.S. Don’t you threaten me with a dead fish.