finally, an update

Things are going really well for me right now… the weather is gorgeous, I’m feeling much better (physically), and softball season just started.

The weather has been in the 80s and 90s lately, which is perfect in my opinion. I like it warm, but not too hot… not Africa hot, as it usually is ’round these parts. Softball started yesterday, and while I didn’t play my normal game, I’m still happy that I played at all. My running has really suffered as a result of that scooter accident. The spinal compression causes pain, and so I run slower than ever… which wasn’t very fast to begin with. After our two games, my back was acutely painful, but after a hot bath and a nap, I felt much better. I think I can continue to play as long as I’m mindful of what I’m doing and continue to take care of myself afterwards.

One thing that is bugging me righ tnow is how I’m really enjoying going to the gym to work out (that’s really helped with my back), but Rich just can’t seem to find the motivation. He sleeps more than I do, but I can’t get him to get up in the mornings. He wants to come with me, and will even set an alarm, but as soon as it goes off he turns it off and sleeps in. I’ve tried motivating him, but it’s not working… I’m just going to have to give up and hope that he can find it within himself to do something. His body is falling apart and he won’t admit OR do anything to curb it. Argh, it’s frustrating.

I’ve been really good about working out, and realized that I need a little more guidance. I don’t really want a personal trainer though… so I ordered some books online, specifically on how to build muscle for people who are not predisposed to that sort of thing…. I’ve always been on the skinny side, and after I hit thirty I started putting on weight in the form of fat… so I’m skinny-fat. Ugh. One thing I don’t love about the books I got is the opening chapter of one of them… it is all about masculinity and self identity, and actually makes the statement "how can you consider yourself a man if you have the body of a 150 pound weakling?"

*boggle*

See, I want to work out and build a strong physique, but I’m really doing it more to CHALLENGE the traditional concepts of gender and masculinity. How would I do that? Simply by being. I call it the Gay Nightmare… picture it:

muscular guy, goatee, tattooes, looks mean and rough… then opens his mouth to say that he’s a yoga teacher-slash-makeup artist. "awww, what a waste" the homos all say. Some folks will get it, others won’t. The silver lining to this: I get to be myself, and I get to look awesome in a bathing suit. Schmance!