I Witnessed A Friend Go Insane; Reunited & It Feels So Good!

After Leo and I spoke on FB that night, I messaged him again later and told him that “hearing from you the other night made my day”. Read. No reply. So I gave it a few days then I said “What’s up? I haven’t heard from you in years and then you pop back up and now you’re back to not saying anything?”. He replied and said he’s just been busy at work and he will message me when he was off. He didn’t message me. A few days later I asked him if he’d like to get together. “Busy”. A few weeks later I attempted to start another conversation by saying “You wanna know something?”. No reply. So I just completely gave up and forced myself to stop caring.

One day I was laying in bed, having thoughts of suicide because of the intensity of my anxiety. My phone rings and it is Leo responding to my message two weeks prior. “What’s that”.

“I don’t remember. Look, I’m having a really rough time.”. I snapped back, feeling extremely irritated.

“What’s going on?”

“I’m suffering with anxiety and panic attacks non-stop.”

“If you’re feeling bored, you can come over.”

He gave me his new address and I went over. I was feeling extremely nervous and trying to push through the panic. When I got there he was standing in his yard waiting for me. I got out my car and he gave me a hug. We sat down in the sun and he told me that he was also dealing with anxiety to the point where he lost his job and that was the reason for him not getting back to me in a few weeks. Wow, I thought, we are dealing with the same thing. Now I don’t feel so alone and ashamed.

We spoke about the things we were experiencing. I told him about how a few months back I was having up to twenty panic attacks a day and I felt pure terror non-stop for two months. He said his wasn’t quite that bad but he was experiencing the anxiety and intrusive thoughts. He had a rubber band on his wrist and he would snap it every time his anxiety acted up. He told me that his Mom had suggested it to him, so he was giving it a go. Maybe this was the mental ordeal that I had dreamed about?

We sat outside smoking cigarettes and just talking, laughing for about an hour. I noticed he was wearing a beanie and he was sweating pretty bad. I didn’t say anything because I knew why he had it on. He must have picked up on me looking at it, because he sighed then took it off, revealing his male pattern baldness. I already knew because he was thinning six years ago, so when he shot me a look that said “Well…”, I smiled at him and shrugged as if to say “So what, I still like how you look”.

Eventually he asked me to come in and he introduced me to all the dogs. Ricco, Jakey Snorter, Harrison who I remembered from high school. We sat in the den and talked. I don’t even remember what all we spoke about, but it was deep and personal. I felt like for the first time ever Leo was really opening up to me. Leo is a Scorpio, I am a Cancer….that’s something that was mentioned because I have this weird fixation with astrology. However, it’s telling in both our personalities. One of the things I said to Leo in a Facebook message over the six years was “Sigh. You’re giving me the famous Scorpio ice out huh?”.

This is something he apparently remembered because he looked at me with sad eyes and he said, “Becky, I want to apologize to you for icing you out all those years.”.

“No, it’s fine Leo, I get it. I’m really sorry. I know I said some really mean things.”. I looked down at my hands.

“No, you don’t need to feel sorry. It wasn’t you fault…..it was me. I guess back then, I started getting really intense feelings for you so I cut you off because it scared me. I don’t know why I do that, but I do. I’m really sorry.”.

“I’m sure it was also because I cussed you out haha. But…I understand I cussed you out because I realized my own feelings for you and I was also scared. I tend to run away as well.”

We talked some more about what we had been up to over the years. I told him about a guy named Bruce that I fell for. Bruce and I never did anything sexual, but he listened to me when I spoke and when he complimented me, he didn’t compliment my tits or ass. Rather, he would say things like “You have beautiful eyes.”. During my conversation with Leo, he mentioned his balding a few times, so I took it upon myself to say, “I think you are really handsome.”.

“You’re pretty. You have beautiful eyes.”. He grinned at me bashfully from across the table.

“Thank you.”.

“You’ve always liked me haven’t you?”

“GOD Leo! Way to just….go out there like that.”

“Well I mean it’s kind of obvious. Besides when women are interested in a man they dress themselves up…”

“Oh no no no,” I interrupted. Leo has always had a way of deeply analyzing things. The famous Scorpio mystery solving. One thing he has always picked up on is what I wear and what that ‘means’. I knew he would start his crap if I wore my red lipstick, but I wore it anyways. And okay sure, a part of it was because I hadn’t seen him for so long. I had to show off a little. “Don’t assume I wore my red lipstick for you. It’s for me.”.

“Wanna have sex?”

“No.”

“Why not?” He tried not to flench and keep that cool Scorpio face on.

“Because I want love. I’ve had casual sex. I want to know what it feels like to be in love and have sex.”.

“Well I’m single.”.

“Ok, but that doesn’t mean you’re going to date me”. I said cooly.

“Anything can happen. I guess people just need to talk about it and……blah blah blah”. I kind of tuned him out. I’m no dumby. Don’t toy with me Leo.

 

…Welp, I’m getting tired so I am going to end it here. I will do a “Reunited & It Feels So Good P2” tomorrow. Stay tuned <3