the beginning of the end

as of last night, my aunt ella is in acute renal failure.

when the kidney doctor saw her in the hospital last night, he said that her kidneys were completely shut down, and that they were going to do everything they could to get them functioning again.  then he asked, "if we can’t get your kidneys working, ms. miller, do you want to be on a dialysis machine?"

her answer was an emphatic, "no", followed by, "when it’s my time, it’s my time."

i know this is it and i am falling apart.  i am terrified of living without her.

she has been like a grandmother to me for the last 16 years.  she is the most beloved person in my life:  the one who taught me the importance of family; the one who always urges me to "enjoy the simple things in life"; the one who is always proud of me, no matter what. 

i know i don’t write about family in here a whole lot; perhaps i should.  perhaps i should have written about her before now.  because then you would all know that she is the most wonderful person who ever lived.  i am devestated by this impending loss.

she calls me "angel."  i’m going to miss that.