03/02/2009

well scott started bugging me again last week.  i know i should have written about it then, when i was pissed off enough to get all the details here.  but now it’s been too long and i just don’t care enough to tell the whole, long, ridiculous story.  basically, he just wanted to know if i was "obtainable" now that things have settled down.  i told him that just because things have "calmed down" doesn’t make the fact that he cheated on me any less salient.  why do i constantly find stupid people?

i feel bad for him sometimes, but then we get to arguing and he puts himself up on this pedestal and it infuriates me.  he thinks he’s this amazing, incredible, drool-worthy guy who just tries to "do the right things."  i told him the other day that he does the right things to cover up the fact that there is something all wrong about him.  and that he’s a lying, cheating bastard.  why the fuck would he ever think that i would go back to him?  what would ever make him think that i believe him, after all the evidence and the pictures and the emails?!  WHY ARE PEOPLE PSYCHOTIC?!

i shouldn’t let him make me angry anymore.  because, in reality, i am over it.  so why do i let it piss me off?  it breaks my heart to know that there’s another girl out there who’s going to fall in love with him only to find out he’s not what he says he is.  i wish there was a way for me to protect all of them…but i know that i can’t.  he’s just going to keep doing what he does.

on an unrelated note, i messaged tim on facebook on sunday. 🙂  anthony told me to stop freaking out about it and just message him like once a week or once every two weeks to let him know he’s on my mind.  he was like, "tim is not the kind of guy to just hook up with random girls.  if he does it, it means something.  you know him, amy.  he’s socially awkward when it comes to women."  and anthony is right about that.  tim really is pretty bad at picking up chicks.  haha.  needless to say, anthony did make me feel better about the situation.  and so now all i can do is wait for june.

maybe nothing will come of it.  but, then again, maybe this could be what i’ve always been waiting for.