bewitched, bothered and….

COMPLETELY FUCKING BEWILDERED!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was so excited for ryan to come home this weekend.  our conversations were getting better and better and if i wasn’t so lazy, i’d transfer some of them to this entry for you all to read.  that way you wouldn’t think i was crazy.

he kept telling me he was so excited to see me, and on thursday, he asked me if i would stay at his place onf riday night with him.

and then….last night when i got to melissa’s, my nerves got the better of me and i totally wasn’t myself.  i was quiet and kind of awkward.  and then, just as i was starting to settle in and feel a little more comfortable, i started getting a vibe from him that he wasn’t interested.  i couldn’t pinpoint what it was about his demeanor that said that to me, but i knew i was feeling it and everyone kept telling me i was nuts.

so then i find out this morning from melissa’s fiance that ryan admitted that he just "wasn’t feeling it" last night and that he didn’t want to do the whole long distance thing at this point anyway.

WHAT THE FUCK?!

i hate my life.