12/28/07

last night, on a whim, i decided that i was going to send a text message to tim.  except the only cell number i had for him was the one he had in high school.  i thought, "who the hell has had the same cell number for 7 years?  i’ll end up texting some random dude who has no clue who i am."

so, in the car on the way home from work, i sent the text.

"…tim?"

"yes..who’s this?"

"WOW!  i can’t believe this is actually still your cell phone number!  it’s amy."

for the briefest of seconds, i considered just ignoring it and pretending that i’d never sent the text at all.  firstly, i wasn’t at all sure he’d be happy to hear from me, and secondly, it occurred to me that he probably thought i was crazy for remembering a cell phone number which i haven’t dialed since 2002.

i have no idea if he thought either of these things, because he was pleasant enough.  i asked him if he wanted to meet up for drinks, since he’s home in jersey for the holidays.  he said he wasn’t sure if he’d have time because he had to do something for his brother.  he said he’d call later.  i took this as a cop-out and let it go. 

i was partially right:  he didn’t call.  he did, however, send me a text message at 1:00 this morning saying he was sorry, that he got in late, and that he’d call me tomorrow (which is now today).  he hasn’t called yet, but i sent him a text message.  "so…are you gonna hang out with your old pal skitz tonight?  say yes!  it’s been way too long since we’ve hung out."

no response as of yet, and i’m not getting my hopes up.  but it would be so nice to see him and catch up.  it really would.  i’m afraid he thinks i’m contacting him for other reasons, but that truly isn’t the case.  i am not naive enough to believe that he is still the 18 year old boy that i fell in love with all those years ago.  a lot of time has passed since those days, and so much – if not everything – has changed…in both of our lives.  i just thought it would be nice to sit down and enjoy a conversation with an old friend.

i wish there was a way for me to convey that to him, but i have a feeling that it’s just not worth it.  what will be will be, and there’s nothing i can do to change that.

on a side note, i’m going to call nate tonight on the way home from work.  we made dinner plans (through 2 days worth of text messages) for this wednesday night.  i’ve decided once and for all that it’s time to get on with my life (you know, the one that i don’t even have).  in my heart, i’ve said goodbye to pat.  it’s still hard, and it still hurts me to think of him with someone else.  but i know from experience that in these kinds of situations, time really does heal all wounds.