for one more day

i gave in to temptation last night and asked pat to come over for a little while.  i told him that i just needed one more good night with him, one more night to feel his arms around me, one more chance to memorize the feel of it all.  and then i would say goodbye to that part of us.

what’s amazing is that i actually don’t regret it at all.  and today, although i have a TERRIBLE headache and my eyes are so puffy i can barely open them, i actually feel ok.  i feel like now i can begin to let this whole thing go.  i feel like i’m ready to be his friend.

we didn’t have sex and we didn’t even kiss.  we just layed (laid?) in my bed and he held me and kissed my forehead.  we spent a lot of time talking about our good times, and some time talking about our bad ones.  i did a lot of crying, but mainly i think it was a good experience.  i hope it didn’t make things worse for him, and part of me thinks it may have.  maybe it was selfish of me to want to have him like that one more time.  maybe i shouldn’t have asked him to do it for me.  i just felt like it was what i needed.  i felt like i needed to have this whole thing end with a good memory, and a night that can be special for both of us.  i want to be able to close my eyes and remember us the way we were last night….

perfect.