Random nothingness long ass blog

My Family!

I’m in the mood to talk, and there is nobody here to talk to….so I am going to be random, and write. Its sure to be about nothingness, because I really don’t have alot going on these days. Now don’t get me wrong, every second of every day is pretty much filled, but its not full of substance. Not like it used to be. I truly do miss the good ole days. I remember hanging with my bestests and we never even had to call each other and ask if we were doing something. We just automatically WERE. We used to have so much fun, and its funny…I KNOW I worked a full time job during this time, but I don’t even remember work factoring in to our fun. I know it must have been after work and weekends that we’d all hang out….lol but for the life of me, I don’t remember that putting a crimp in our plans ever. We did fun and strange things. Back in the day, it was the fearsome foursome. Me, Alex, Sara, and Paul.

We watched movies, played games, packed on the bed, and talked, and laughed, and just had so much fun. We used to play spy games in the woods, and paintball, and just hiking…..we did alot of hiking…until I decided that I HATED sand…that was after getting lost in the woods at the dunes for many many hours….oh lordy that hurt. And I was wearing FLIP FLOPS!!!!

And camping…we did SO MUCH camping….

There was the time, when we went for 5 days up in michigan. It was just me and the boys, because Sara had just had the baby and couldn’t go…

The flies were biting, and we did a very primitive site..lol That means NO shower, and NO toilet. I want to say it was right after a holiday weekend, and the one porta potty was completely backed up…..so we pretty much did the woods squatting thing….and 5 days with no shower….well that just doesn’t fly with this girl. I want to be clean at alllll times. So me and Paul went deeep into lake michigan, armed with one bar of soap, and some little bodywash packets, and we took a bath. I got to use the soap first, and oops… I DROPPED IT!@!! Paulie was sooo mad. lol It was soooo funny. And alex went as far away from us as he could, because he was embarassed at our getting clean antics LOL Paul and I sang as loudly as we could " I feel PRETTY…oh so PREETTY"" lmao it was great. We thankfully had the bodywash packets to finish cleaning up with…i had them stuffed into my suit, so we got clean one way or another. You should have SEEN the bubbles around us. lmao

Oh and Paul and Sara always molested each other on any outings. lol It was always good for some fun. lol And we used to get Sara really drunk and hungover, then wake her up VERY early the next morning, and take her on an outing…like….the ZOO or SLEDDING!!! lol We did that shit like three weekends in a row. She was soooooooooooooooooo cranky!!!!!

And there was the time we were doing spy games, and a man with a shotgun, and a killer poodle almost ate sara and paul….

Those are the good old days I REALLY miss. I miss that friendship…that easy friendship, knowing that someone would always be there, someone would ALWAYS care, and that no matter what, they loved you for who you were.

 

I’m still friends with these people, but we’ve all pretty much gone our seperate ways. Alex moved to California, Paul is super busy with work, and Sara has a child, and is pretty much a hermit. lol Then there is me. lol I feel like I just don’t FIT anywhere anymore. All the people who I always "fit" with have moved on, and moved away. I haven’t yet found another group that I fit with so easily.

In case ya’ll haven’t noticed, I’m kinda a freak of nature. I’m silly, I laugh too much, and always at the wrong things. 🙂 I get accused of being TOO cheery, I’m always TOO something. I think its absolutely hilarious when someone falls down, trips, or stubs their toe. 😛 Just thinking about a nameless random person doing that gets me into a fit of giggles right now…

But anyway, back to why I am a freak of nature. Lets see…I’m a hopeless romantic. I don’t have any grand career goals. I work because I need the money, not because I have grand aspirations. My one true goal in life is to be a foster mother, and a real mother. I want a child, and I want to be a wife. I want to finally express some of this grand amazing wonderful love that is inside of me. I want to share it with another human being, instead of just lavishing it on the furry friends who make up my family. I want a partner, somebody to grow old with. I want that give and take in a marraige. Somebody who will remember my birthday, and will accept the surprises I love to dish out, gracefully. I want somebody who will hold my hand when we grocery shop, and who will listen to my stories when they don’t have a proper beginning or end….and just kinda trail off in the middle. I want somebody who will lay with me at night, while we hold each other and just TALK. Who will cuddle up to me, let me stroke their hair, and somebody who will hold ME too. I want somebody who will get past my defenses…who will get to know the REAL me. Somebody who is willing to break down the walls that I didn’t even realize until recently I had up. Somebody who will love my animals as much as I do, and will give them human characteristics, and will accept them as members of my crazy family.

So much I want…and until recently I didn’t even realize I was looking. I’ve been lonely…so VERY lonely….for longer than I can remember. My last two relationships only lasted 6 months. I realized then, as I realize now…I knew they wouldn’t last, but I settled anyway. Why did I settle? Did I think I wasn’t worthy of being somebody’s ONE true love? I AM lovable. I am SOOOOO very lovable. I love myself, so if I can do it, surely there is somebody out there who can love me too. I knew I was lonely, but I didn’t realize just how ready I finally was to find that forever love. My first boyfriend told me…maybe just about a year ago…."you always claimed to want to settle down, but when the chance came, you ran away so fast my head spun" I thought he was joking…but when I looked back I realized he was right. Back then, as much as I wanted it, I was soooooo not ready to settle down. I think I’m finally there now. I’ve wanted a baby since I was 4 years old. 🙂 Had I become pregnant in highschool like so many others, would I have actually been ready?? I couldn’t honestly answer that for sure, but oh how different my life would have been. Maybe its not always about getting what you want, when you want it. Maybe sometimes you have to work long and hard for what you want. But then again, maybe what you want is gonna pop out and surprise you one day.

And this blog turned into just a crazy hodge

-podge of thoughts. I don’;t have a clue where I was going with this, but god…I obviously need a friend. LOL Just somebody to talk to….Coffee anybody???

Night all!!!!

Kristin