I type too much…..pt1

My Family!

So I never got around to finishing my last entry, and right now I’m not in the mood. I’m in a fairly good mood, and have been most of the weekend. I keep juggling between happy, apathetic, and sad. lol I’m not depressed, I’m just dreading the huge change my life is about to undergo, and its messing with me. I HATE change…anybody that knows me, knows that. I fear it, I loathe it. When I was a little kid, we had this UGLY ass old leaky sink from like the 1800’s….I swear it was horrrrrrible…it was in the computer room. (our house had once been two houses, and we combined it back into one, and the computer room was once a second kitchen)I CRIED like a baby when my dad took thesink out…I BEGGED him and pleased not to take out the sink..cuz I LIKED it….that ugly old leaky rusty sink….lol So see, change…not my friend.
 
I have a lot of memories in that apartment, even though I didn’t live there that long. It stands for alot…it allowed me to learn alot about myself. It let me learn alot about other people. It showed me how strong I can be when I have to be. I fell in love in that parking lot, I let go of a love on that patio. I created a life in those walls, a life I was finally happy with. I had friends, I had family. I had friends IN my family, and family in my friends. I learned to forgive a woman who cheated on me, and grow a whole new friendship with her on a completely different level…and be completely ok with everything involved. I grew to accept her girlfriend as a friend, who I can honestly say I really like….and honestly hope that their future is bright and happy…and MEAN that. All that came out of those walls of that apartment I’m leaving. I learned that being alone and being lonely arent the same thing. I learned how to sleep ALONE again….I learned how to rely on MYSELF to where I don’t NEED anybody else.I learned alot…I paid alot of attention. I learned that sugar free kool-aide exists, and that its a million times better than sugared kool-aide.
 
I learned how to burn water, and how NOT to melt velveeta cheese….cuz wow did I burn it…thanks to Angel for helping me there…I leanred how to cook on an electric stove….who knew that electric ovens didn’t need preheating. I got spoiled by the dishwasher…something I have always poo-poo’d before, and refused to use. lol Now I LOVE it!!!

My super sensitive nose is dulling to the smell of dirty dishes…..eww ewww ewww *vomits a little*
 
I finally learned how to keep my room clean! 🙂 Mom would be so proud…I have so much PRIDE in my home….even if the rest of it is a nasty nasty mess. I didn’t make it…I’m tired of cleaning it lol
 
I learned how to play new card games, I learned how to play new card games, and WIN, I learned how to fill the carpet shampooer.
 
I learned how to go to bed every night at 9pm, I learned how to BREAK the habit of going to bed every night at 9pm. lol I learned how to give up watching tv….I learned how to stop caring if I missed my favorite shows.

I learned how to sleep both in absolute silence, and during insane amounts of noise.
 
I spent my first night completely alone, and survived.
 
I fit 15 friends into my apartment at once….
I found out I had 15 friends…
I found out I had 15 friends who all GOT ALONG together.
 
I also got that many phone calls in one day..
 
I swam…and I swam…and I swam.

I made new friends….
 
 
 
I managed not to babysit for Lynda ONE TIME in the whole of the time I lived in my apartment. Serious willpower there….
 
I will miss this life, but I know there is still a whole future ahead of me. I will be living in a bedroom…but the whole house will still be mine to use as needed. And I won’t be living with a bigger slob than myself. lol I will have my animals, and they will be happy. Thats important to me. VERY important.
 
So after this whole entry is written, I’m ok with moving. I know I could stay if I really wanted to. I was asked to stay. I was even told I could pay less…but its time to end that chapter. Jaime and Chris need to forge their own life, and having her ex girlfriend in the house has got to be difficult. If not on Jaime, then on Chris. I try to stay out of their hair, but having only one bedroom makes that difficult sometimes.
 
So this is not what this entry was supposed to be about anyway….on to other issues..
 
Sydney….I’m worried about her…been trying to call her since July, and her phone is disconnected, and she has not called and given me a new number so I have no idea whats up in her life and it worries me. I called to wish her a happy birthday, and she didn’t answer, but it went to vm…the next day, i tried again…and it was discon…
so i have tried sporadicaly, cuz i wanted to say hi, and i just needed to talk….lol And i need to give out my new address….lol and get hers..
 
To anyone who needs my address, leave a private message and i will give it to ya.
 
My new street is Joliet St. WHEE!!!

So this weekend was a REALLY good weekend….I kinda got to accomplish what I wanted to, yet not really at all.
 
I accomplished:
cleaning my bedroom
cleaning most of the bathroom
cleaning the litterbox
shampooing and vacummin bedroom
cleaning the ratty cage
packing one box
doing 2 loads of dishes
doing all my laundry
 
For fun things, I had card night at mommy’s house with:
mommy
alex
christy
paul
lois and kids stopped b for awhile..
 
We played until late, and laughed, and laughed, and laughed until our sides hurt. Daddy made enough fresh popcorn with his new airpopper to feed the neighborhood, and mommy laughed and spit rootbeer out her nose, and got tortilla chips in her hair. lol
 
We played phase 10, scattergories, and 31
 
I really miss Alex. He has been my BEST friend for so long, I hardly know how to exist without him. He’s one of those friends you get spoiled with. With him, you never had to worry about anything. There were never hurt feelings, you never had to worry about if he wanted to spend time with you or not, because no matter what the task, no matter what the chore, no matter what the event, he was there. No questions asked, and you always knew  that he was there for YOU. He was always one of those friends, that our friendship was almost symbiotic. If i liked it, alex liked it, and if alex liked it, he was bound and determined to make me like it. And he did, because his passion for everything was infectious. You get swept away by it, and it just…wow. We did SO MUCH in the years we have been friends. The short time we dated has not detracted from our amazing friendship in the slightest. He even told me this weekend, that he doesnt think of me as his ex girlfriend at all….I’m not "stuck" in that category….we’re best friends. Best friends we always shall be. Our only problem in the relationship was that I couldn’t love him the way he wanted me to. That was my problem, not his. I loved him, and always always will. I’m just not in love with him. We had passion, just not a romantic passion. It was a friendly passion.Our friendship was amazing, and even time and distance couldn’t damper it. He lives in california now, which might as well be the other end of the world, and we picked up like it was just the prior day.
 
Now I am getting distracted. There is alot more I can say on that topic, but I lost my mojo. I know I keep saying I feel so alone, then i say about how many millions of friends i seem to have vying for my attention…and its true. I’m extremely popular, and have ALOT of awesome friends, but I don’t have that SUPER close circle of forever friends like I used to. They’ve all left. Moved away. THAT is what I miss. I miss people dropping over for a cup of coffee and conversation just out of the blue. I miss people coming over because they love my friendship not because they need something. Be it freedom from their normal lives, a ride somewhere, or excercise. I want to be loved for the PERSON I am, not what I can do for someone. I’m a very giving person by nature. But I’m tired of always giving, giving, giving. I don’t take….even when offered…..I’m stubborn….I don’t take from anybody. Even when I need something. Thats why I  need to be surrounded by stronger personalities than myself, people who can see what I need, and force me to take. I’m a pisces. Inside, I am VERY VERY VERY strong. Outwardly, I possess NO backbone whatsoever. I will continue to let people take, far beyond what I have to give. I deplete my everything, to give to someone in need. I’m a rock….to those I care about, I will BE their rock….and I will do so happily. Its just hard for me, because I’m not grounded right now. I have no rock for myself….I’m a little unbalanced. My stability….they are all gone from my life. I don’t even know how to fix it. I have poeple to talk to, but I don’t. I’m not comfortable anymore. I need girltalk sessions, but the ones I trust are unreachable. I can’t get ahold of the THREE people who I can talk to about this type of thing. The only people who know me well enough to make the kinds of judgements I need made…My "Strong" personalities. The friends that won’t bullshit me. Who if I’m being an idiot, will tell me to cut it out. lol Those people that know me well enough to tell me these things, yet still respect me enough to not judge me. So many people are judgemental without knowing all the facts. Take what I say, ignore it, and make their own opinions. I don’t lie…ever.
 
And there is more still. I want to write about my weekend still….but I am gonna post this and try to write more later. This has gotten a bit lengthy…and i am just in spew mode…i don’t even know where iam going with anything anymore.
 
Adieu for now!!

Kristin

I made new friends that swim…