Warm winter evening

Breathe. Count to 3. Use a calm, monotone voice. Walk away. These are things I know to do yet I don’t do them often enough. M is a handful lately. His repetitive behavior is raging and he had an awful speech session yesterday. It broke my heart sitting against the wall watching him hit himself in the head with closed fists because he was frustrated. Ms. Jenn even commented on his lack of attentiveness. He used to be able to sit through a book while at the table in her office, but for the past month he hasn’t been able to focus long enough. The other night his aquarium’s (music box attached to bed) batteries died. He went into a full blown panic at 3 am. I wasn’t able to get him back to sleep until a little after 6 and even then, it only lasted a short time. It seems as if something new in his life is causing extra stress but nothing is new.

He does seem to be picking up on a few social queues though, and not in a good way. We (Ms. Jenn and I) noticed a silly picture in the book they were reading and we giggled at it. M looked up with a very sad, confused look almost as if we were laugh at him. He did it again tonight. We were all eating dinner at the table this evening and M repeated something I had said, except I didn’t realize it. I thought he said “jello” which caused me to giggle and tell him we didn’t have any jello. He’s a little piggy & is constantly asking for food. He looked at me with the saddest eyes. I said “I’m sorry buddy, I thought you said jello.” He moved on after that but it makes me wonder. Since he can’t communicated too effectively with these other school kids, are they laughing at him? Moving on because this is making me sad…

K has been working like a dog this week. We are a family of 4, well 5 if you count Lola the dog, on one income. He makes good money but it only stretches so far. Therapies and doctor bills are expensive. We’re recovering from Christmas, which we always overdo. It’s really the only time of year any of us get new things and we take advantage. Needless to say, we’ve been financially struggling since January. Thankfully, the two companies K contracts for outside of his regular job have needed his services. That will generate decent money, but he’s exhausted. I can see it all over his face. This is one of those times that feeds my guilt for not working outside of the home. Truth be told, the types of low paying jobs I could get to accommodate my home responsibilities would barely cover evening childcare.

Hope everyone had a nice Valentine’s Day. We’ve always celebrated it, though it has become a little less meaningful throughout the years. K was sick Tuesday but felt better by Wednesday. I was very grateful that he had taken the day off to have lunch with me after dropping off M at pre-school. It was a really sweet gesture. We had a nice lunch and came home and rested for an hour before school pick-up. That’s how quick the afternoons fly by here. I did get some lovely flowers and a groupon for a massage. He has this ability to pull things out of thin air when he feels them to be really necessary. I’ve never had a professional massage and am looking forward to booking it.

It hit 79 degrees here today. Last week it was near 60 or above and snowed on Saturday. Today it felt like late May – crazy. It was windy and warm. The boys took advantage by playing outside for a while. S played bball at his friend’s house for a few hours and then came home and we shot around. They rode their bikes together for a few minutes before going in. M got a Strider bike for Christmas that he’s been working on walking with. There’s no pedal but it’s great for practicing balance. S has long since outgrown his bike but he did me a solid and pulled it out of the garage. Anything he does M will do. It was adorable to see them riding together. I could post some very cute pictures from the evening but because I haven’t paid for a subscription, I don’t have the option.

Time to close the laptop and attempt to unwind for the evening.