I can feel it

The moment just before I open my eyes, that slow progression towards consciousness, I can already feel it.  The way the air feels against my skin as I lie in bed, I can feel it.  The wrongness in my brain, hopelessness, uselessness, doubt, I can feel it.   I know they are meaningless, empty threats in an otherwise happy existence, but they wrap themselves around my heart in a vicious promise, I can feel it.  It’s going to be one of my bad days, and I can feel it.

Living with depression is trying.  Even after recognizing it (I knew something was wrong when I started bawling because my kiddo wanted macaroni for dinner) ¯_(ツ)_/¯  Even after medication.  Most days I’m fine.  Every once in a while it pokes its head out to remind me it’s still here, to remind me of my wrongness.  Decisions must be made.  The day will be spent in unreasonable sadness, but how will it be spent?  Going through the motions, or staying in bed and waiting for it to pass?