Kicking My Ass

Lol, I really am.  Not only am I taking six classes at Brookdale and am determined to keep up with them, I’ve also joined the gym at Brookdale and will be working out four days a week between classes so I can bust my ass into shape.  After all, I’ve got a wedding in 2013–my own!

That’s right.  After the argument that Drew and I had, I was obviously upset that night, but ended up going over there the next day.  We talked, but nothing was definitely resolved, I don’t think.  However, later that night, he texted me and said he’d e-mailed me and would I read and respond as soon as I could.  I said I would, so since I was at work, I waited until the manager left and looked at my E-mail on my phone.  Here’s what he said:

Hi; first I want you to know that I picked up a new lap-top sorry could not wait for christmas I needed it now, any wher you stand with me is in my heart I will just have to deal with age difference. I now know that you do love and I do love and do want to marry you it is just been that take in that someone really does love me and care’s about like you do sorry for the fight we had I do want in my life. Last night I woke up and had an emptey feeling in stomach that you really were not going to answer me back or stop by but again you proved me wrong, so what I am saying is I will try to work with you at our marriage when we get married and can you please get the ring done so I can give it to you on christmas.
 
Love from
your hubbie
Andrew

He probably should’ve said ‘future hubby,’ but I don’t care.  The ring he’s talking about is my Nana’s.  My mom had suggested awhile ago that if we were serious enough to get married, instead of him buying a ring, we should use my great-grandmother’s ring.  The idea of a family heirloom appealed to me, yet I asked if we could use my Nana’s, since I actually knew her.  So we did wind up getting the ring sized and he officially proposed to me in front of my parents on Christmas Day.

Yeah, I know, most people will tell me I’m crazy.  Drew actually acknowledged that.  He sent me another E-mail, voicing some of his insecurities and hat was one of them.  That other people would wonder why I’m with him.

Long story short, I’m with him because I love him.  I’m not gonna pretend we haven’t had rocky times.  I’m not gonna pretend we haven’t had issues between us.  I’m not gonna pretend he hasn’t projected anger on me that was actually aimed at his ex.  And I’m not gonna pretend I haven’t vented about this stuff.  I definitely have and I’ve definitely been frustrated because of his issues and projection and defensiveness.

But he’s getting better.  He’s admitting more things, such as the fact that he takes things out on me because I’m the closest person to him.  He’s being more willing to talk to me, he’s being more willing to not hide things from me, and I’m really proud of him for the strides he has been making.

I love him.  I know so many reading the entries about him won’t understand why, but he is a worthwhile person.

Now, I’m just determined to pass all six classes this semester.  Three English ones, Math, Biology, and History.  I’m not worried at all about the English ones.  The History one seems okay.  Math and Biology I’m kinda worried about.  I just have no interest in them, but I’m gonna have to go through them to get my AA.  I just have to survive these things . . .

Wish me luck!