Pissed

Yeah, you know what?  I’m pissed.  The Hell with what Mike told me.  Honestly, it’s completely inconsequential to my present or future.  Just another case of immature, high school bullshit that’s he’s trying to pass off as a mature decision based on the past.  Well, you know what I say?  ::Holds up middle fingers::  You wanna lurk on my diary, you two-faced cowards?  Go ahead.  And frankly, if I ever disgrace my diary by writing about any of you worthless soul suckers again, you can come and say something to my face, instead of ‘monitoring’ me behind my back.  You don’t have the guts?  Too bad.  Get some.  Either that, or stay the f*ck away from my diary.

That said and over with, I’m looking for a new job.  See, last night, when I got home, my right shoulder started killing me.  I thought maybe I moved wrong, or something like that, yet it didn’t feel like a muscle pain, really.  I’ve had enough of those around my shoulders/back to know what it feels like.  Anyway, this morning when I woke up, I found I hadn’t even moved during the night.  (Probably my body’s way of protecting myself.)  I decided, after realizing absolutely that my arm was still killing me and I could barely move it, and what I could do, movement-wise, included much pain, that there was no way I could work and I would have to go to the hospital.  So, I turned my phone on and texted Drew, asking if he was busy.  He doesn’t even answer me!  Just texts back "Why."  I said because I was asking him, he texts back why again, and I said because Ron actually answers him, I need to know if I’m covered benefits-wise if I go to the hospital.

Now, you’d think that would have someone asking if something’s wrong, or if you’re okay, right?  Yeah, not with him.  All he says is ‘You know what, text Jane and have her talk to Ron.’

The long and short of it is, I went to the doctor instead of the hospital, was diagnosed with tendonitis and got anti-inflammatory and painkiller meds (which aren’t really working!) and a doctor’s note, saying I was to go back to work on Sunday.  When I texted Jane that while I was at Shop Rite waiting for the prescriptions to be filled, she says, "Well, who’s gonna close tonight and open tomorrow?"  I said I didn’t know, and that I’d rather be out these two days than go tonight and make things worse and be out longer.  Well, Drew calls me up while I was there.  I answered, thinking hey, maybe he’s concerned about me.  (When I was at the doctor’s office, he texts and asked what was going on, he’d heard from Jane about an hour before that I was going to the doctor.)  But no.  Instead, he asks what happened, and when I told him, he says, "You realize you better start looking for another job, right?"  And tells me that Jane’s not happy with me, and apparently Loretta, the store manager, has been complaining about me.

Yeah, there’s more, but I don’t feel like typing it right now.  But let’s just say, I’m pissed.  I’m going back on Sunday, leaving as soon as I can, and basically just waiting until they fire me.  I’m not gonna quit, Hell, no.  I’m letting them tell me I’m fired so I can collect unemployment.  Cuz somehow, I gotta come up with my share of the rent.

::Sighs::  Just on a depressed note . . .  Maybe Drew and I aren’t meant to last.  He’s basically shutting me out of his life in every possible way right now.  And then there’s today, where he didn’t even ask if I was okay when I talked to him on the phone.  He didn’t even bother to ask if I was okay getting from place to place.  And when I’d texted him to let him know what was going on, he acted like I was bothering him and like he wasn’t the person I should be telling, acting like it was simply work related.  God forbid I’d think that he would care . . .

The night before last, I made dinner for us, and made cupcakes, too.  I frosted two of them with hearts.  When he went to bed that night and I said I loved him, he actually said it back.  And with no addition or anything, either.  You know, "Love you, too, now goodbye."  Or "Love you, too, now let me sleep."  No.  It was just, "Love you, too."

But now I’m wondering if that’s even true . . .