Value Of A Life

How does one determine what the value of a life is?  Is it based on what someone accomplishes?  What they contribute to the world?  How well their name is known among how many circles of people?  How can someone feel that their life isn’t worth anything?

Oh, the Hell with purposely being vague.  I’m worried about Drew.  I’ve been worried about Drew.  Last year, during the summer, he had a heart attack.  He was supposed to go on a regimen of exercise, diet, and medication for blood pressure.  He didn’t.  And this past July, right after my birthday, in fact, he wound up in the hospital, because he’d been dealing with chest pains for a week.  A week!!!  And he didn’t say anything, hoping it would go away.

The doctors told him when he was in the hospital this past time that he should be on a diet/exercise regimen, that he needs to lose weight, and needs to quit smoking.  Not even three days out of the hospital, he lights up!  And not only that, the only thing he followed that the doctors said was to be on medication for blood pressure, and he’s even quit that now.  And did about a month ago, as far as I can tell.

Tonight, when I was at the store, I looked at him at one poin t and he didn’t look good.  He looked . . .  I don’t even know how.  The best I can decribe it as is he looked ready to collapse.  Like the only reason he was still standing was because he was leaning on the table.  And I told him he didn’t look good.  His basic response was "if I croak, I croak."  I said something like "it worries me that you seem to place no value on your life" a few minutes later, and he told me his life had no value.

That kills me.  It seriously does, because he’s dead wrong.  His life has a Hell of a lot of value, not only to me, but to his kids, even if he wants to deny the truth of that.

::Sighs::  I don’t really know what to do.  I know what he’s going through; I went through it myself.  That singularly smothering sensation, (alliteration, anyone?) of being stuck.  Of drowning in unhappiness.  Of not knowing how to move your life forward and so being forever stuck in neutral, where others can push or pull you, but you can’t get yourself to go.

I love him.  And I’m gonna have to talk about this with him soon.  Tonight, if possible.  It may or may not change anything immediately, but if nothing else, it can give him food for thought if I present it well enough.  And I think I can.  I’ve gotten away with saying so many things already that he wouldn’t accept from anyone else.  I’m different.  Even before we were together, he accepted me asking/commenting on things that I guarantee you no one else would’ve dared.  And I guarantee you, no one else would’ve gotten answers.  I have.  Not to everything.  Even with me, there are plenty of times when he will just shut down and refuse to talk about something, or even listen to anything else said about it.

I’ve been told I have a savior complex.  I admit, the one who said it’s right.  I do.  I want to save people.  At this point, I mainly want to save them because no one should feel like I’ve had to.  And if I can spare a person that, you better believe I’ll damn well try.  It’s not a matter of sparing Drew, though.  It’s a matter of getting him to realize that life’s not as bad as he’s been made to believe for all these years.

::Sighs::  Understanding where he’s coming from and defeating the logic behind it are two very different things, though.  But if anyone can do it, it’s me.  Nobody else would get it the same way I do.

Here’s hoping . . .