Life Is Strange, And So Am I . . .

I can’t get over how weird the past week has been… On Tuesday, Matt and I were gonna meet up around four to practice Taboo and go see a movie. Well, he called or texted, don’t recall which, and asked if we could meet up around six instead. So, I said yeah, I’ll figure out how to occupy myself for another 2 hours. (He works overnights and hadn’t been able to get to sleep, which is why we were gonna meet at four in the first place, but since he was still exhausted and the movie wasn’t till eight, we switched it to six.)

I ended up going to Staples to get Skittles, but first I wandered around a bit, and I saw Mike. I was talking to Lexi on the phone at the time and figured it wasn’t like Mike would approach me anyway, but simultaneously, I thought to myself that maybe since he and I were both there, I could talk to him and give him the apology I’d wanted to for the past few months. I also happened to see Tina there, and she and I talked a bit.  While we were, Mike came up to her and asked if she needed help with anything.  He assisted her, walked away, she and I finished up what we were saying and I went about halfway down an aisle while she went to the register.  While I was halfway down said aisle, Mike comes up behind me and says hi.  I said hi back, and I figured what the heck? I asked if we could talk for a minute.  He said sure, I asked if we could go someplace a bit more private  and no so out-in-the-open.  So, we started walking back towards the back corner of the store, near the bathrooms.  After we’d only taken a few steps, he says, "I’m not angry anymore, you know."

We did talk.  I told him about Drew’s temper, and the panic attack I had after seeing it the second time and realizing exactly what Mike must have seen and felt and all when I would lose my temper in front of, and usually at, him.  He told me about him and Jill breaking up, and some circumstances surrounding it that are, shall we say, less than pleasant.  He  had to get back to customers soon after, so I walked with him to the front of the store, where he told me that just because we’d talked today didn’tr mean he wanted too re-establish any sort of friendship.  I said I understood and "if you ever do, just let me know."  To which, as I was saying "…just let me know," he said simultaneously, "I know where to find you."

So, I had a great time on New Year’s with Matt and Lexi.  We got tipsy!  Although I swear, Matt’s tolerance for alcohol must be through the roof, because Lexi and I are both sitting there, giggling like idiots after ONE drink, Matt has practically an entire bottle of green apple smirnoff, and he’s perfectly fine!  Not freakin’ fair, ferklammit!  Lol, at one point, we were all sitting at the kitchen table with the cosmos I’d made.  (Lexi’s comment: "This tastes like rubbing alcohol smells!")  Anyway, so we’re sitting around the table, and Matt was saying something to Lexi, and the thing about Matt is, he’s a stutterer.  So all of a sudden, I start giggling, and Lexi finally asks me what the heck I’m laughing at and I say, "If we were buttons on a VCR, you’d be play, I’d be fast-forward, and he’d be slow motion."

(All I can say is thank God Matt has a sense of humor, and yes, I have asked him if he minds being teased about stuttering.  He said no.  And has therefore opened the gates of Hell.)

Oh, yeah!  I also pulled a stupid on New Year’s.  I intended for us to also have my favorite non-alcoholic booze, ie-sparkling apple cider.  Well, I put the bottle I bought and the pizza rolls into our freezer that’s in the living room.  Yeah… I completely forgot, freezer–the things will freeze.  So we had to wait for the bottle of apple cider to thaw out before we could drink the damn thing!

Well, Friday, I was at work and I figured, okay, let’s check my E-mail from my phone.  I do, and I see an E-mail where the heading says, "Charlie would like to add you…"  And I’m going, "Wait, what??"  I did an honest doubletake when I saw that.  So, I went to MySpace, approved him, reead one or two of his entries, then sent him a message, basically thanking him for adding me.

He messaged me back not too long after, I replied, he replied, and I replied.  In my last reply, I mentioned the Christmas party my family was having the next day and said that I didn’t expect him to, but he was welcome to come if he wanted.

Don’t you know, the next day, around six-ish, he actually shows up!  We talked for awhile, I introduced him to Merry, Pippin, and Sonic, he was able to at least say hi to Matt as Matt was getting there and Mike was leaving.

Then, Sunday night, I was at the Spy House waterfront, just plain feeling confused about all this, so I texted Mike, (we’d exchanged numbers before he left my house the night of the Christmas party,) and said it was fine if he couldn’t/didn’t want to, but was there any way we could meet up?  He said not that night, but maybe Tuesday?  I said that was fine, I had off, and asked if there was any particular time that was better for him.  He said no, but he was busy in the evening.  I was too, I was meeting up with Melanie, so we agreed to meet at the bowling alley at one.

And we did.  And we talked.  And talked.  And talked.  I think we actually split off around five, five-thirty.  Yep, five-thirty.  And we’re hanging out sometime next week.  Versing in Smash Meelee, Street Fighter, and whatever else we come up with.

He’s right, to say he doesn’t want to dwell on what happened with us in the past, though we have talked about different situations.  I think we need to, in many ways.  I don’t want to, and have no intention of, dwelling, either.  Yet at the same time, I think some of these things, should they come up in conversation, need to be addressed.  It lets us clear the air and get an understanding of where the other was coming from without the old prejudices and expectations.  We’ve had time, so now we’re able to talk about it without getting defensive or jumping to conclusions about what the other means.

It’s weird, a little, still.  But at the same time, it’s nice.  Like I’ve said to him, I never expected to talk to him, civilly or otherwise, again.  Now that we are . . .

I’ve had two people tell me their honest opinions of this.  One warned me to be careful, because Mike still probably has more power to hurt me than anyone else I know.  The other compared me and Mike to me and Dolly, saying that no matter how much Dolly and I argued, fought, separated, etc., we always came back together, and they knew somehow, Mike and I eventually would as well.

Heh . . .

They’re both right.

And that’s what scares the Hell outta me.

All I can really say is, believe me, both those peoples’ words will stick in my mind.  The former more than the latter.  And all I can hope is that in the past year, I’ve learned everything I need to in order to not almost break again, should things go wrong.

Yet . . . something in me says to be very, very careful, but somehow . . .

I don’t know.  Time’ll tell, I guess.  We both know what we did to the other, though, and somehow, I can’t bring myself to believe we’ll fall into that same trap again.