Long Time, No Entry . . .

Okay, so I’ve been pretty horrible updating lately.  I’ve been journaling a lot, and texting, and keeping dates straight through those two things.

::Sighs::  I don’t know where things with Drew and I stand.  Basic update on that front, he tells me on November 5th, I think it was, (it was a Wednesday night,) that "YES" he’s over me.  He’d never given me any sort of definite answer before then.  Yeah, I was sobbing.

But then, on November 19th, I bring a friend of mine from my short story class to the store.  His name’s Matt, and Ed and Dew decreed after we left that he looks like Rick Moranis, you know, the guy from Spaceballs?  (Among other things.)  So, my phone had died around ten thirty that night.  The next day when I turn it on, there’s a voicemail and ten, TEN, texts from the two of them, teasing me about "my new boyfriend."

One comment that got me, though, was something Drew said.  See, when I brought Matt to the store for him to meet Ed and Drew, obviously I was wearing what I’d worn to school that day, which was this really neat orange and brown patterned shirt with a V-neck, a jeans skirt that comes to just above my knees, black tights, and these high heeled black boots that I positively love.  I call them my female style Beatle boots.

Well, anyway, one of Drew’s comments went something like, "He’s gotta be your new boyfriend because you never wore anything like that for me."

. . . 

A) Matt’s not my boyfriend.  I admit, I wondered for a bit if I liked him that way, but I’m not over Drew, and there’s no real chemistry between Matt and me.  It just wouldn’t work.  And B) THE HELL I DIDN’T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Okay, I admit, I never wore short skirts in front of Drew, but what did he think I was doing when I’d wear the tank tops and V-necks and halters in front of him????  He never commented on anything, so I stopped trying!

Anyway, I texted back to both of them that entire morning, and one of the things I said to Drew was "What, are you jealous?"  And the way he was acting . . .

So, that night, Ed left the store and Drew and I are standing at his truck, and he was enjoying driving me crazy the entire day, so finally I just said, "C’mon, seriously.  I just wanna know if I’m being stupid for hoping."  He says, "Hoping for what?"  I came back with, "What do you think??"  But I spelled it out anyway.  Am I being stupid for hoping for something more than friendship to happen between us?

And he gave me the shock of a lifetime when he said that we could resume things once he left Domino’s.

Unfortunately, he left Domino’s that Sunday, and we haven’t resumed things.  I haven’t even seen him for more than a few minutes here and there, and when I talked to him on the phone a few nights ago, he said he  eeds time to straighten things out with where he’s working now, so things are still up in the air with us.

Oddly enough, I don’t feel he’s delaying things, hoping that I’ll get the hint that no, he doesn’t want something to happen between us.  I think he’s delaying things because he honestly wants to be responsible and get back on his feet, so to speak, and because he’s scared.  After being hurt so many times in past relationships, and with everything his ex is still throwing at him now, I think he’s afraid to start something with someone else, especially when it’s me, because he’s afraid of it blowing up in his face.  I honestly think that he’s rather see me unhappy for awhile without him and then find someone else, than be unhappy being with him.

In any case, I still love him.  So, I’m trying to be patient and understand things from his point of view if I can.  I’m succeeding, to a degree.  Except I wish I could see him for more than a few minutes here and there because we’re at our jobs.

Lol.  Jason once told me that the best way to gain patience was to eat macaroni, one noodle at a time, with chop sticks.  Heh . . . The macaroni-patience test has nothing on this situation . . .