So Bizarre . . .

This was definitely weird.  On Thursday, I went to the Wendy’s near Domino’s before I had to clock in over there.  (I wanted food, and I offered to get Drew a Chocolate Frosty.)  Well, I went in and I seriously didn’t want to be waited on by this one girl who was behind the counter because she just looked… ugh.  It’s like, "Okay, you know when your lips curve up?  It’s called a smile!  Try doing that once in a while!"  Well, luckily, (or maybe not,) I got waited on by this guy behind the counter, and as I’m giving him the order, he’s talking to me, and I realize pretty quickly that he’s hitting on me.

Now, anyone who knows me knows that my self-esteem has sucked unbelievably for years on end, so the idea that someone would hit on me has pretty much never entered my mind.  But that’s what this guy was doing.  And I went back that night to get more food, we talked again, we ended up exchanging numbers, and when I stopped there on Saturday to get some drinks, he gave me free fries and a second Frosty free.

When I brought those back to the store, I told Drew about the guy hitting on me and saying, "That’s why there’s two Frosties.  He gave me one free."  And when I talked to Drew that night, saying I had a dilemma, Drew said I should go out with the guy, see what happens.

Yet what about how I feel about Drew?

He told me to put those feelings aside and reiterated to go have some fun.

But I was thinking about it Saturday night when I got home.  For one thing, I pictured having someone’s arms around me.  And those arms were Drew’s.  That was it.  When I picture someone’s arms around me, they belong to Drew.  When I picture kissing someone, the lips are Drew’s.

I mean, I admit, this guy at Wendy’s is cute.  He’s 29, he’s single, he really seems interested and seems like he likes me . . . and all I can think about is Drew.  Someone who’s 41, going through an emotional blender yet who I don’t think is over me, and avoids the question every time I ask.

All I know is, I can’t go out with anyone else right now while these feelings for Drew persist.  It’s not fair to Drew, it’s not fair to me, and it’s especially not fair to the other guy.  All in all, I’d be leading the other guy on if we dated, and that’s not something I’m willing to do.  I refuse to play off someone’s emotions like that.

Yet now I can appreciate Ryan’s position concerning me better.  Because now I’m the one in the position of "let’s just be friends."

It’s so weird . . .

And I dread seeing this guy in person, because I do want to tell him this in person, and tell him I’d love to be friends, but right now anything more is just a bad idea, but I dread saying all this in person.  But I can’t do it over texting.  There’s just . . . no fairness in that.  Something like this should be done in person, but . . . I hate the idea of having to do it.

I know what I have to do, so advice isn’t necessary, but encouragement is, please and thank you.

  Let things go well . . .