Deliberations

I’ve taken the weekend to deliberate over what I posted in my last public entry.  Namely, the closing of this diary.

I admit, this mindset seems to be waning, but I’m a sentimentalist.  I can’t just delete years of my life from a site I’ve come to appreciate and people I’ve come to connect with in whatever sense.

Due to what I’m going through now and what I may be facing should my thoughts actually turn to fruition, something I’m determined to see happen, I can’t go into details over what has happened just yet.  And I’m going to privatize this diary for awhile, til things blow over.  However, I’ll continue writing private entries in here so that when I feel like I can post safely again, you won’t be uninformed if you want to learn the story, and I won’t be straining my memory trying to recall it weeks, if not months, post-mortem.

So, I will give this message a few days to be seen and/or noted on, and then will privatize all but this entry.  This way, when I still come on here to read and/or note you, you can note back.

Thank you, to the people who did note my last entry.  You were a part of this decision.  Krystle, I still have your IM  name if you’re ever on AIM.  Florida Flower, I respect and admire your honesty in your note to me.  Even faceless people over a computer screen mostly wouldn’t have the guts to say what you said, out of fear of the person’s anger.  I admit, you may be right in what you said.  I don’t know.  All I know is I’ve taken one too many hits and right now, I have to walk the path I choose.  If it’s a mistake, I’ll come back.

But right now, everything in me is telling me that showing any amount of caring to someone else is what the mistake is.

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May 12, 2008

if you ever do decide to delete this diary, I’d highly recommend at the least saving it to your computer and burning a copy of it to a CD for safe keeping. I have a copy of my first OD I started way back in 99 or 2000 when I was in high school and it’s really interesting to go back and read a random entry from time to time to see what frame of mind I was in and how much I’ve grown since then. goodluck with everything

I’ll keep checking for your next update, whenever it may come. Glad you appreciate my honesty! One last word of advice…stop caring for all the wrong people, and start caring for the one person that matters most: yourself. Whatever this is, you need to fix it, face it, do the opposite of what you’ve been doing. Just don’t stay in this wretched rut.