Freaking Out, Somewhat . . .

Okay, so this guy who lives in Keansburg, which is about ten minutes from me, starts messaging me on MySpace.  His name is Dan, (hmm, bad omen?) and he likes some of the same animes as I do, so we started talking over myspace.  Last night, (cuz I still consider this really late Monday night, it 4:30 in the morning,) we exchanged E-mail addresses and the things that he was writing over to me made me wonder if he was hitting on me, cuz he’d say how beautiful I looked in the couple of pictures I have of myself up on there, and other things that I’ll probably post in here later on.  So anyway, he’d written about not having a license and sorry if that was a turn off.  Considering that I’m used to Rob and was used to driving Mike around, that doesn;t bother me.  So I told him that and I also asked straight out if he was hitting on me, cuz I figured if that didn’t scare him off, then maybe we could hang out.  It’s always interesting meeting new people.

Well, interesting is the word . . .

He gave me his IM name tonight and I saw that when I got on the computer after work.  I added him and we started talking and I was the one who actually asked if he wanted to meet up and maybe walk on the beach in Keansburg or something, just so we could meet and talk and all.  So he said it was fine, he’d wait outside and I told him how long it would take me to get there, got offline, took a five minute shower, got dressed, and picked him up.  We ended up going to IHOP and eating there, (he treated, saying it could be a date and the guy always pays on a date,) and then he suggested going back to his place and watching movies/cuddling.  I wasn’t too comfortable with that, plus he’s a smoker and admitted to smoking in his room where there’s next to no ventilation, and since I’m a llergic to smoke, that’s not something I can handle.  Plus, even if I could handle it, I value my lungs, thank you very much.

We ended up going to the waterfront near the Spy House.  We walked down to the dock area that’s about eight feet above the sand/water and I climbed up on the rail and sat.  He came up and hugged me when I was there.  Then after I got down and was just standing there, looking out at the waves, we were talking some.  He smoked a cigarette and I did my best to not let on that I was shivering, because I somehow knew he would come over and try to warm me up by hugging me or something.

He did do that a couple minutes later.  He asked if I was cold, or no, hesaid he couldn’t belive I wasn’t.  I said I was, a little, but I’m used to going out and walking at all times of the year, so it doesn’t bother me.  He did come up and hug me, though, saying he was gonna keep me warm.  Then, and I knew this was coming, too, I could tell he wanted to kiss me.  He brought his curled fingers up under my chin to tilt my head so he could kiss me, and we did.  Just a peck, but still.

That’s when I said, "I thought you said you were gonna take things slowly?"  (I’d told him in the IM before we met up that I wasn’t looking for a relationship, I’d just truly gotten over an ex, and I’m definitely not looking for a boyfriend right now.  He said it was okay, we’d take things slow.)  He smiled at me after I said that, and told me this was taking things slowly.

We kissed, (another peck,) again before we left, and walked back up the pier to the car with our fingers semi-entwined, me thinking the entire time, ‘This is so weird . . .’

I don’t know what to do.  I mean, he’s definitely coming on way too strong, and frankly, I refuse to date a smoker.  Hell, I refuse to date a non-smoker right now!  I don’t want any kind of relationship if it means more than friendship-type stuff will happen!  I’m not ready for it, and flings are meaningless to me.  I don’t wanna just do a hook-up thing.

Another thing that makes me uncomfortable is that this guy wrote a blog entry on his MySpace on January 8th, this year, saying he’s just come out of a long-term relationship with someone he really loved and he was only looking for friends right now, nothing more, especially if the person wasn’t a gamer.

A) I’m not much of a gamer.  I can’t sit in front of a TV playing video games for hours on end.

B) Okay.  Long term relationship.  Not looking for anything more than friendship.  Then why the Hell is he calling me ‘beautiful’ and ‘sexy’ and stuff like that, and trying to kiss me?  Hell, after he said he was taking things slow, he actually told me that if he wasn’t, he’d be trying to get up my shirt!

I don’t know what to do.  I mean, he does seem like someone fun to hang out with, but . . .  I don’t think I can be alone with him.  Maybe I should write it in an E-mail.  Cuz like I said, he’s not someone I could date and I don’t do flings.  It was like, as the night went on, he went from joking around about us being together to . . .  It was as if he thinks now that it’s inevitable that we’ll get together!  And I hate to tell him, but . . .  No.  I’m definitely not going to.

I don’t like this.  I mean, it’s flattering and everything being called beautiful and sexy, but . . . when it becomes what a person calls you instead of your name . . . I don’t know, it’s kind of creepy.

::Sighs::  I know I just met him, so in a way, his feelings shouldn’t be something that are a major concern to me just because of how little I know about him, but still . . .  I don’t wanna hurt him.  But I also don’t want to give him the wrong idea about me.  I don’t want him to think I’m someone he’ll just have to be patient with a I’ll "come around."  Cuz I’m not going to.

And I know, someone reading this might think the whole, "Methinks she doth protest too much" line.  If that was the case, I wouldn’t feel creeped out.

I’m creeped.

Eep.