Wondering Where This Will Lead

I’m supposed to talk to Jill tonight, assuming I get off work in time for us to IM.  If not, we’re rescheduling, since she has an early day tomorrow.

I have entries, probably some still on this diary, and on my other diary where I keep entries not for public eyes, where I wrote about some of my annoyances and such with her.  I reread over those last night because I was thinking about this whole situation.

I’m going to ask her what gain she was expecting to get out of talking to me again.  Peaceful resolution, a chance to just shout at one another, a chance to truly talk things out and explain our positions to the other, or, eventually, a friendship resumed?

Just shouting at one another has no point, and I don’t think that’s what either of us want.  And to be honest, if it was what she did want the chance to do, I’d cut it off right there, because I have no patience for that stuff now.  Peaceful resolution, talking things out, etc., I’ve got no problem with.  Because that way, you know, we have closure, and we go on with our lives.  It’s wondering if she thinks a friednship resumed is a possibility.

After the things I’ve read/heard that she’s pulled, not the least of which being cheated on Andrew and then claiming that everything was his fault, and this most recent thing of claiming how Andrew emotionally raped her, I have absolutely no respect for her.  I mean, the cheating she did and then claiming everything was his fault was bad enough, but then when he broke up with her and didn’t want anything to do with her, she was bugging him all the time, and when that had no positive results, she tried to kill herself; her reasoning being, "to prove how much she loved him."

It’s like I said, I have no respect for her.  I have no reason to have respect for her, aside from what I mentioned up there.  She dropped me, as far as I can tell, because she didn’t like that I was questioning/offering advice about a situation she was in with Andrew.  She’d said that if they were going to stay together, he needed to make some changes in himself and whatnot.  Then, the next entry, she’s all, "Oh, everything’s fine, we had a completely honest conversation and we’re good."  And I told her that words were cheap, it’s actions that prove things.  Honesty is great and all, but how was she so sure that he would follow through with what he said?

I don’t know.  I’m only gonna be wondering about it until tonight, when we talk.  Or if we have to reschedule, then that night.  I’m not gonna ask her beforehand.  I’m just gonna let things happen, and then at the end, I’ll ask her what her purpose was for wanting to talk to me and see what she says.  Cuz it’s possible that she doesn’t want to resume a friendship, only straighten out what went down between us.

I guess I’ll find out later on.  Any of my readers who see this, what do you think?