Torn . . .
That’s exactly how I feel. Torn. I’m not living in a fairy tale. There’s no far off places, no daring sword fights, no magic spells, no prince in disguise . . .
There’s just this life. You work, you come home, you clean house, you pay the bills/rent/mortgage/whatever, maybe you get to settle down with your animals or your kids, if there’s anyone else with you in said living area. Then you go to sleep and you repeat it again the next day.
Maybe sometimes you try to escape. You go see a movie, or a play, or go out to a park, or wat-have-you. But I don’t think that’s going to be even a temporary respite for me anymore. Reality has clamored in and decided my fate.
I was a fool for believing as I did so long ago . . .
Yet I’ve give anything to get that childlike belief back.
I really hope you can figure all of this out and find what is going to make you really happy. *hugs*
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RYN: I don’t know about my dad. He is usually that way. I wanted to talk to my mom about my schedule and ask her about burn treatment. I revealed the secret in my previous entry at the bottom :-).
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So much of what you say rings home for me. I actually just wrote an entry about how I feel so…ripped of innocence. I’m sorry to read that you seem to have this feeling too…it’s awful.
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ERRRR… Im sorry … 🙁 This isn’t a very fun feeling to go through.. Have you been feeling any betteR? RYN: LOL! Which song was it? It was on a playlist… and random…. 😀
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Have you ever seen the movie American Beauty? If not, I’d hightly recommend seeing it, if you have seen it, maybe watching it again could help you believe that it’s possible for life to be more than what you currently see it as.
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It’s all what you make of it. This old world isn’t any different now than it was when you believed differently. The only thing that’s changing is your outlook. You’ve gotta live your life like you want it instead of looking at it and asking, “Is this it?” Say, “Hell no!” and then go start a project or a fire.. or whatever floats your boat. That’s how I handle it.
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