Unbelievable . . .

I can’t believe this.  It can’t be.  I mean, it’s not like I actually want this.  It’s once again, delusion on my part because memories are overtaking me.  I was actually breaking down and crying on my way to and from deliveries the night before last.  I can’t take this and I don’t know how to deal with it or what to do.

Rob and I have a decision to make.  Whether to come back to New Jersey or not come August.  I was all for it a few weeks ago, because I said that if I didn’t get the assistant manager position at Domino’s that I wanted to come back.  Well, I didn’t get it.  But now . . .  I don’t know.  It feels like I would feel like a foreign object in my own home state . . .  I mean, yeah, there’re all the wonderful tings in NJ.  All my old haunts, like Sycamore, Veteran’s, Holmdel Park, the Spy House, that rink in Union Beach, Union Beach itself . . .  But . . .here, I can offhand think of four used bookstores filled to the brim.  In NJ, the only two close by closed down.  But there, Broadway is an hour away.  But here, there’s a theater building that will perform weddings and it would be so cool to really make a production out of Rob’s and my wedding.  I’m only doing this once, and I wanna go all out.

Of course, that could be another reason I’m depressed during this period.  In a week and a half, May 9th, to be exact, Mike and I would have been maried if all had gone according to our plans my senior year . . .