What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Some people say love makes the world go around.  Frankly, I think it’s greed, manipulation, arrogance, selfishness, and other heart-sucking emotions like that.  But I’ll talk about those some other day.

The point is, I do believe that those things are what so much of the world is made of that that’s what makes it turn.  (Aside from that whole gravitational pull thing.)  That’s what made it truly special when someone like Rob came into my life.

For awhile now, on and off for weeks, maybe months, but more often in the past few days, I’ve had the thought of "is this really love?"  Did I really love Rob?  None of the intensity and … I hesitate to use the word ‘passion,’ but lacking a better one…  Anyway, those emotions, that raw sense of ‘the world is spinning when I’m around you, I’m floating up on Cloud 9’ just wasn’t there.  It never was.  It was just this sense of comfort.  I liked him being there.  He makes me happy.  I want him around.  Despite the fact I’m stronger, I feel safe when his arms are around me.

Which might not be true much longer, by the way!  Me being stronger than him, I mean.  He works at Wal-Mart now, and he was doing truck unloading and other stuff that really made him use his arms and shoulders.  And just those two or three days of doing that made him so much stronger!  We arm wrestled and either arm, I could’ve held him there, neither of us winning, indefinitely.  But I couldn’t push his arm down!  And that goes for lefty, too!  Where he was so freakin’ weak not too long ago!  So I’m really impressed with him.

Plus, other awesome thing.  On the seventh, he called his neurologist and the guy said that Rob could start lowering his pheno.  He was one two pills, but now he’s on one and a half.  Then in October, he goes down to one.  November, half of one.  Then with any luck, by about mid-December, he’ll be off it altogether!

I hope that it works.  Cuz I’m aware, especially with epilepsy, that while he may be seizure-free, he may never be medication-free.  But hey, I can hope.

It’s officially twenty-five days till we leave our jobs here in New Jersey.  Then four days after that, we’re packing up and leaving the state.  It seems like so short an amount of time.  But we can’t wait longer than that, unless we want to be up here until November 15th.  I want to be down there and settled by October 23rd.

Rob told me he’ll have petit mal seizures every four or five months, and his last one was June 23rd.  Before that, it was sometime in Feb.  Towards the end, that’d make it a four month difference.  Towards the start, that’d make it almost five.  So I figure he’s gonna be most suseptible to having another one sometime between October 23rd and November 15th.  Yeah, I’ve told him flat out that I’m gonna be over protective of him through that period.  Oddly enough, when I told him that, all he said was "Thank you."  And he meant it, it wasn’t sarcastic or anything.

Which is another reason why I love him.  How many other people would honestly just accept and be glad that someone was going to be overly protective of them for whatever period of time?  Lol.  It’s funny.  I can honestly sum up why I loved Mike, Jason, and Will.  You know, I can honestly say, "I loved him because . . ." and then say a reason that pretty much sums up whatever it was that we had.  But Rob, it’s different.  I love him because . . . he’s him.  He doesn’t need a reason behind him for a description.

We were talking a few nights ago and I was telling him my confusions over what I felt.  And he accepted it.  He didn’t freak out, or demand an answer from me, or anything like that.  He just accepted what I could give him, which was that I really cared about him, that while I don’t need him, I do want him around me, and I feel safe in his arms.  ::Smiles::  He did want to hear that I love him, but he wasn’t going to expect me to say something I couldn’t.  Or wasn’t sure I felt.  A person hasn’t done that for me in . . . ever, actually.

I struck gold with Rob.  And I know I love him.  I talked to Melanie and Ryan and came to some relaizations on my own as well.  And I do know now that I love him.  Passion and intensity fade.  But that comfort and openness that he and I have will be what carries us through.

Honestly, Mike can have Shannon, Jacqui, Dan, Jess, Denise, Kathy, Bryan, Colleen, and Freshman Mike.  Those ten?  Rob’s worth more than all of them put together.

When and if any of them ever figure out that I’m not the bad guy, they can come talk to me.  I’m not expecting it.  Hell, I’m not hoping for it.  I just hope they grow up and realize that they have no right to judge me about any of it because they weren’t there.

Count down: 29 More Days In Jersey.