Entry 840 – Now I Know . . .

Well, it turns out that I didn’t have to worry about Rob as much as I thought.  He did talk to his dad that Friday and from what he told me, things went well.  They didn’t finish their conversation, his dad said they’d pick it up again later, but hey, it’s a start.

Plus, I’ve been going on a nice little emotional roller coaster the past week or so.  Mike went to a movie night or some such that Shannon was having and it must have been the next day, I don’t know, but I mentioned to him something about why couldn’t he at least pretend to extend an invitation to me and Rob, even though I know I wouldn’t actually want to go?  And he said because, frankly, I wasn’t wanted there.  That Shannon and Jacqui at least, don’t feel comfortable around me.

Long story short, I have no idea what Jacqui’s petty little reasons for hating me are, but Shannon apparently doesn’t like how I’ve treated Mike and is "uncomfortable" around me because of my temper.  Which I haven’t lost by the way, in I don’t even know how long.  Basically, they’ve decided to judge and condemn me because of my, admittedly, less-than-favorable actions towards one other person, in a situation they repeatedly said they didn’t want to be involved in.  And then, this is the "best" part, they expected Mike to come to me and tell me this because none of them had the guts to do it themselves!  They basically just hoped I’d disappear, fade into the background, just suddenly not be around anymore.  Poof! there I go.

Then, while I was venting to Melanie a few nights ago, Colleen IM’s me.  I was on my guard right from the start because she’s part of that little group and I didn’t know how widespread this whole feeling was against me.  Mike said he knew what Shannon and Jacqui thought, but wasn’t sure if it went out to the rest of them.

I feel like I’m repeating myself…

Anyway, I basically told Colleen right off that I wasn’t sure if I could trust her.  Immediately, she was like, "What the f–k does thatmean?" and going on the defensive, yet I wasn’t combative in how I said it.  And I told her I was just simply stating a fact and let her know why.

We did end up talking for awhile and she told me that mostly the guys in that group thought that I’d cheated on Mike to go out with Rob.  Which is just stupid.  Of all the things I did do to Mike, cheating on him was never one of them.  And I guess that Mike was the one who did give them that idea simply because of how he phrased things when he told them what was going on.  He more or less said, "Yeah, Kate dumped me for Rob."  And yet even that doesn’t equate to cheating!  Plus, when you take into account that I didn’t start dating Rob until almost two months after Mike and I officially ended, (for the SECOND time,) there’s no way cheating could have happened.

The whole thing just pisses me off, honestly.  But I’m semi-over it at this point.  Put simply, those people are no friends of mine.  They couldn’t show me simple human decency by being honest about not wanting to hang out anymore, and they didn’t even bother to find out my side of things.  Melanie’s right; I’d rather have a couple good friends who’ll stand by me when the chips are down rather than a group of acquaintances who disappear when they fall.  I’ve got Rob, Melanie, Dolly, Joey, and Ryan.  And while Rob is the only one I see on a regular basis, I do know that the others will be there for me if I really needed someone.  And then there are people like Jess who I talk to online.

So, honestly, I wash my hands of all of them, including Mike.  At least for awhile, in his case.  Because at this point, I just don’t want to see him anymore.  He officially moved out on Sunday, yet he was back here yesterday and slept over here for some reason.  Considering he was barely here except for that, I don’t know why he couldn’t stay at Shannon’s or whoever’s.  Oh, well.  At least he did fix my computer, so that’s a plus.

On the upside, everything there has shown me one thing.  I need to do something with my life.  So Rob and I have been talking about apartments and checking places out like in Delaware and other states around New Jersey.  We’d settled on Delaware and were planning a three day trip down there in August, but last night, my mom was telling me about something better.  So we’re gonna go for that.  I’ll keep that one to myself for a litle while, but let’s just say, I think it’ll really be great.  And while I’ll miss the places around here, I’ll miss very few people.

Anyway, I’ll leave off here.

Bye!