Entry 823 – What Can I Do?

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You’re a bit of a cynic when it comes to love.
You don’t lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart.

Your ideal Valentine’s Day date: is all about the person you’re seeing (with no mentions of v-day!)

Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic

What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays

Why you’re hot: you don’t just play hard to get – you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

Isn’t it grand how one damn entry can ruin your entire day?  I was in a fairly good mood yesterday, talking to Joey about my Celeste novel and all that and giving him some feedback on his.  And of course, what do I do?  Go check out Mike’s diary after Joey tells me there’s a new entry there.

And he’s complaining about his parents, his uncle, (who he’s been saying for months he would ‘take care of,’ yet hasn’t lifted a finger to do so,) me, saying that I blame him for things not going well between us . . .

Honestly, the only things I blame him for are when he’s acting like a complete jerk and for lying to me.  He told me back in January, ironically enough on Friday the 13th, (which should have probably given me an indication that it wouldn’t stick,) that he was over me and that he could deal with it if Rob and I got together.  Then, a couple days later, he actually apologized to me when we were out taking a walk for not upholding the promise he made to me so long ago.  That if I ever wanted to go back to just being friends, he would accept that gracefully and back away and just be my best friend again.

Yet now, all he wants to do is avoid me, all we do when we are near one another is nitpick and annoy the other, and he acts like it’s such an inconvinience for him that I’m with my boyfriend in my own house!  I mean, seriously!  He talks about nearly walking in on me and Rob kissing, well you know what?  That’s what happens when I’m at my own house with my boyfriend.

Then he also goes and complains about how no matter how late he comes back, Rob’s here.  Well you know what?  Rob has a right to be!  Not to mention he and I don’t have such a huge plethora of friends to choose from to go out with every single damned night!  I think that annoys me the most.  I mean, that Rent thing a few days ago when Rob and I came back from Veteran’s and getting icy’s.  He and I were sitting at the kitchen table and Mike comes down, not only wearing a freakin’ trench coat, but also a scarf, claiming that he was dressing up as a character from ent cuz Shannon was having a Rent party.  And Rob was the one who asked "Well, how come we weren’t invited?"  And Mike gave the excuse that we’re not big Rent fans.

Lovely excuse to exclude someone, isn’t it?

Honestly, I know why they don’t invite me anywhere.  It’s because of Mike.  He’s always including himself or being asked to come to these things.  Therefore, no one wants to invite me and consequently Rob, because it would be awkward having the three of us, or even just me and Mike there.

Yet I can’t help wondering the same thing that I did back when me and Mike were being excluded from things because either Dan or Melanie were gonna be there.  I wondered then why Shannon or whoever was inviting people couldn’t ever decide that just once, they’d invite me and/or Mike instead.  And I’m wonderig now why I’m not invited once in awhile instead of Mike.

Except I’m coming up with an answer this time that I hadn’t then.  Because they don’t want me there.

Oddly enough, while that realization hurts, it’s nowhere near as much as the first time.

I suppose that’s because of Rob.  Who he is to me now and what he can and does do for me as opposed to what Mike didn’t do back then.