I Blame Rob . . .

Revolution
by: John Lennon

You say you want a revolution
Well you know
We all want to change the world
You tell me that it’s evolution
Well you know
We all want to change the world
But when you talk about destruction
Don’t you know you can count me out

Don’t you know it’s gonna be alright
Alright Alright

You say you got a real solution
Well you know
We’d all love to see the plan
You ask me for a contribution
Well you know
We’re doing what we can
But when you want money for people with minds that hate
All I can tell you is brother you have to wait

Don’t you know it’s gonna be alright
Alright Alright

You say you’ll change the constitution
Well you know
We all want to change your head
You tell me it’s the institution
Well you know
You better free your mind instead
But if you go carrying pictures of Chairman Mao
You ain’t going to make it with anyone anyhow

Don’t you know know it’s gonna be alright
Alright Alright

 

Lol.  Actually, no I don’t.  I give an inordinate amount of credit to Rob, because he’s reminded me of an old obsession that I had let fall by the wayside for far too long.  My love/obsession with the Beatles.

Until this entire Encore thing with Mike and Shannon, I hadn’t really listened to Beatles music with any regularity in I don’t even know how long.  Now, I’m listening to their songs on a daily basis and remembering how much I enjoyed doing it.  Lol, especially songs like Revolution and Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da, which Rob has also become addicted to.  (I believe he asked me to, or was it that I volunteered?  In any case, I’m making him Beatles CD’s, with what I feel are some of the best songs, or just darn good ones that are so often overlooked, like I’ll Get You, It’s Only Love, I’ve Just Seen A Face . . .)

Lol.  I suppose it’s only fair that I get him into my band, considering how much he’s getting me into Green Day and even, ::GASP:: Nirvana.  Heh.  I used to have old prejudices against Nirvana.  When I first heard about them, they were ‘modern music’ and I figured therefore they couldn’t possibly be any good.  (I considered most music like that in middle school, which is when I believe I first heard about Nirvana.)

Well, they aren’t going to take the place of the Beatles or become a favorite band of mine, but nor do I have those old unfounded prejudices anymore.  Cuz honestly, for the most part, Rob’s into some really good music.

Now, onto what happened today . . .

Yeah, so I’ve decided my luck with guys officially sucks.

Okay, after that last depressing, angst-filled entry, I actually got in a better mood.  I dropped Mike off at Shannon’s after ranting at Sycamore for about half an hour, then went to Barnes and Noble to look for a DVD.  Didn’t find it, but I did think to check the CD’s for a Nirvana one that Rob’s missing.  It’s weird, he still has the case and booklet, but the CD is M.I.A.  Anyway, I figured ‘let me see if the CD is here.’  So I actually did find it, and another one that he’s been saying he wants to order offline and the one he wants to order was cheaper at Barnes and Noble.

Well, I went home and decided to call him.  I figured if nothing else, I could leave a voicemail for him, telling him about the CD’s and how much they are.  Well, he answered.  I didn’t expect to be on that long, but I told him about the CD’s as I was making myself a cup of tea.  (At different points in our conversation, I kept saying, "Yay for tea.")  We wound up talking for a while and then I said that I should go, I’d make him that Beatles CD I promised him.  He said he could call back in awhile, but I didn’t expect him to, honestly.  So I grabbed my second cup of tea, my CD player, my laptop, and my CD’s, (in separate trips of course,) and was about to settle down in the living room to go online and make the CD for him when the phone rings again.  It was him, obviously.  I knew that before I answered the phone.  We ended up talking some more and though I’d asked Mike to tell him that Mike was over me, I ended up telling him that Mike had told me that.  Then I asked if he thought there could be any chance for us.  He said he didn’t know and could I give him awhile to think about it?  I said yeah, but how long?  He said a week or so.  I asked that long?  Then, I don’t remember how I said this, but I basically said for him to make sure that if he made the decision to get together with me, to do it because there was actual interest, instead of just the novelty of having a girlfriend.  Because if it was the novelty of having a girlfriend, then I wouldn’t be able, in good conscience, to get toegther with him.  It’d just feel too much like I was . . . a trophy girlfriend, or something like that, instead of someone he actually has feelings for, you know?  I also said that when he made a decision, to let me know, but until then, I wouldn’t bug him about it.

He did mention later he was also hesitant because of what he’d hear from the people at Staples and that that was part of the reason he wanted awhile to think on it.  CuzI guess people are already giving him grief, yu know, "Hey, whatcha doin’ with Vroom’s girl?" and other BS like that.  God, you know, I had to live through a bunch of gossipy BS in high school, you’d think that the teeny-bopping airheads at Staples could keep their gossip business confined to their own little lives and leave the ones who graduated five + years ago OUT OF IT!!!  I mean, seriously, how can they have nothing better to talk about than the romantic life, (or lackthereof in this case,) of three friends, one of which doesn’t even work there?!?!

Argh . . .

Anyway.  So yeah, we had that conversation on the night of the 13th, and as far as the Staples people went, I said the only thing I could say was to make the decision from his hert and not worry about what other people were gonna say.  Well, he told me his next day off was Wednesday and we agreed to hang out then.  So I wasn’t expecting an answer about the whole potential ‘us’ thing until that day.

<p>Well . . .

Last night, I picked both Mike and Rob up from Staples and (purposely) dropped Mike off first.  See, he hadn’t called by almost ten, so I just figured let me drive over there.  Ironically both Mike and Rob were next to one another, working on something in one of the aisles.  Well, I knocked on the window, Rob saw me, I waved, then Mike saw me.  I waved again, and Mike came over to the door.  I spazzed cuz it was snowing and Mike said that he’d talked to Rob.  He basically said, "I think you’ve got another Ryan on your hands."  And proceeded to tell me some of what they’d talked about and wouldn’t shut up when I was saying, "okay, I’d like to hear this from him, instead of you!"  Anyway, he asked if I was driving them both home and I said yeah, sure, if Rob wanted me to.  Mike tells me he’d ask him, and that they shouldn’t be too much longer.

About fifteen minutes later, they both came out and got in the car and like I said, I dropped Mike off first.  (Basically so I’d have some time alone to talk to Rob.)  Well, after dropping Mike off, we were on our way up 35, and not knowing whether Rob was going to make mention of anything, I said, "Yeah, so Mike hinted at the fact that you’ve come to a decision?"

 Lol.  He gave a basic, ‘Oh, thanks Mike,’ kind of reaction.  I don’t remember if that’s exactly what he said, but it was that kind of thing.  Anyway.  He said that he didn’t want to hurt my feelings, but he thought we were better off as friends right now.  Well, I kinda gave a sigh and said, "Yep, another Ryan."  Then after letting him know that no, that wasn’t a bad thing, it was just that Ryan had given me that same reaction, we were silent for a few seconds and Rob said, "Besides, I don’t think I’d make a very good boyfriend."  I asked him why not and he said "Well, because, and don’t take this the wrong way, I don’t see you as anything more than a friend."

 Yeah, I went on a self-pitying streak for a while when I got home, but now I’m more or less okay.  I still reeeeeeeeaaaaally wanna kiss him, but . . .

So after that, I randomly asked if he minded stopping at FunTime for a little bit.  He didn’t and we pulled into the parking lot.  He asked if I was gonna DDR and I said, "Of course."  It wasn’t until after I got out of the car that I realizedmy predicament.  I was wearing my mom’s slip on shoes.  Perfect for slipping on to drive, but horrible for DDRing.  I could just see one of them flying off when I jump around, you know?  Lol.  We went in anyway and went over to the DDR machine.  I took off the shoes and my socks and ust DDRed in bare feet.  It was fun, but I knew it would really hurt if I stubbed my toe, and turned around after the first song and told Rob as much.

Anyway, he watched me DDR, we watched another girl DDR, I asked if he was gonna play Crazy Taxi but he said no, and we left.  I dropped him off and we hugged goodbye, (as always,) and I asked if we were still gonna hnag out on Wednesday or if he was gonna go all weird on me again.  He said no, we’d still hang out.  Then he got out, I watched him walk up to his door as I turned the car around, and left.

It’s ironic.  As I was driving away, I turned on the radio and "Wake Me Up When September Ends" was playing.

"As my memory rests
but never forgets what I lost . . .
Wake me up when September ends."

Yet, it’s ironic.  I haven’t lost anything.  Yeah, when I came home, I went on a self-pity bend, but you know what?  I’m actually completing this entry on the 15th, and I’m okay.  Because if nothing else, Rob’s still a damned good friend of mine who I value incredibly.  And sometimes that’s better than a boyfriend.  It’s like a line from a book I should find and loan him.  "Boyfriends/girlfriends come and go, but friendship is forever."  (That’s the gist of the quote, anyway, I haven’t read the book in years, so I might be off on the wording.)

Yeah, though.  That’s my latest saga.

Bye!