We Were Dreamers Not So Long Ago . . .
Believe
Children sleeping
snow is softly falling.
Dreams are calling
like bells in the distance.
We were dreamers not so long ago.
But one by one we all had to grow up.
When it seems the magic slipped away,
we find it all again on Christmas day…
Believe in what your heart is saying,
hear the melody that’s playing.
There’s no time to waste,
there’s so much to celebrate.
Believe in what you feel inside,
And give your dreams the wings to fly.
You have everything you need,
If you just believe,
Trains move quickly to their journey’s end.
Destinations are where we begin again.
Ships go sailing far across the sea.
Trusting starlight, to get where they need to be.
When it seems that we have lost our way,
we find ourselves again on Christmas day…
Believe in what your heart is saying,
hear the melody that’s playing.
There’s no time to waste,
there’s so much to celebrate.
Believe in what you feel inside,
And give your dreams the wings to fly.
You have everything you need,
If you just believe.
If you just believe.
If you just believe.
If you just believe.
Just believe.
Especially after what happened at Staples yesterday, I decided that I was going to leave Rob alone today. Wasn’t gonna call him, wasn’t gonna go to Staples, wasn’t gonna do anything that even might result in me seeing him because I don’t want to be thought of as stalker-y.
Hang on, need my Numa-song-fix.
Okay, so I’m getting a fix off Follow You Down instead for right now. Listen to Numa Numa later . . .
Anyway, I determined to not have any communication whatsoever with Rob today and I knew that that would drive me insane. I’d probably be okay for most of the day, but as soon as night fell, I’d have cabin fever like crazy and I’d just want to pick up the phone . . .
I went online, Mike and I talked some, he left for the Burlington concert, I went out, did some Christmas shopping and when I came back, I decided to call Dolly. Cuz one of the places I’d gone, despite mysefl, was Staples. I think I might’ve been there when Rob was on break. Either that or he was off, because I didn’t see him. But I did get Dolly’s gift. Anyway, I went to FunTime after that to DDR, (my legs are SO out of shape,) then I came home and I knew if I didn;t call Dolly, I would wind up calling Rob. Why can’t my self-control be better?
So we talked for a good forty-five minutes or so and I’ve been staying away from my cell phone which has Rob’s cell number in it. But when I came on here, I checked my E-mail on the off-chance Rob had replied to the forward I’d set him earlier. He had and he sent me a couple other forwards.
Okay, here’s my Numa fix! Lol. Who needs drugs or alcohol? I get high off songs. And I swear, it sounds like he’s saying fetuccini at one point . . .
Anyway. I figured E-mail was a safe reply, so I sent a message back that included a question of whether we were still gonna hang out or not. I’ll just copy it in here.
Rob,
Damn. I sent you one of those SNOWBALL FIGHT — 2005 picture thingies. And remember how I started laughing about what Ryan said it looked like? Well, he saw the E-mail, then IM’s me and says, "Kate, why did you send me a snow penis?"
Lol, so yeah, that was pretty priceless.
Are we still gonna hang out tomorrow (Wednesday)? Don’t worry, I’m not gonna drag you to a rink. If you don’t want to hang out, though, let me know. I kind of got the implication you wanted to avoid me. And if that’s what you want, it’s okay. I just want to know for sure.
Bye. 🙂 🙂 🙂
Kate.
Lol. Yeah, that’s what Ryan actually said. Well, here’s the picture —
And Ryan was right. It’s a snow penis ejaculating snowballs . . .
HOW IS IT THAT RYAN NOTICES THIS AND I DIDN’T???? Ryan is not sick-minded!!!! Or at least he didn’t use to be!!
Anyway, I guess we’ll see what happens tomorrow. Whether or not Rob does call and all that. I think I’m gonna get up, get animals food, and then work on cleaning my room. If Rob does call and says he wants to hang out, then I’ll go with it. If not, then at least I’ll have a clean room.
Oh, you know what bothers me most of all right now? I brought out my blue acoustic last night, actually took it to get tuned, and so the guy could show me that intro to What You’re Doing again, and I was playing and then started looking through the guitar books I have, and somewhere along the line, I lost my guitar pick!!! I have others, but still! I really liked that one, and it might have been one I accidentally swiped from Ryan, so I don’t know where to get another one like that.
I actually talked to Shaun today, too. He called what must have been sometime around noon-ish? Anyway, we talked, got semi-caught up on our lives, told him some of wat’s going on with me, Mike, and Rob. The common consensus is that Mike needs to get over me and move on and let me be happy and be happy himself.
I wish that there was a way for him to move out. But there’s no feesible thing at this point, and I couldn’t in good conscience just flat out order him to move up with his dad which would be the best arrangement. Honestly, I don’t blame him for not wanting to be around the man.
You know what I think I hate most in this whole thing? Mike wrote and has talked about how through everything he’s going through, I was the silver lining because he could be with me, get comfort, etc. Now he talks about how he can’t kiss me, can’t hold me, and all that stuff.
Yes, we recently tried a dating thing, because for some reason, I did wonder if something was coming back for him. But I’ve found since that it hasn’t. For one thing, Jason was still ever present in the back of my mind, even when I was kissing Mike. For another, I’m honestly wondering if I wasn’t imagining kissing Jason at some points. For a third, once I determined that it was indeed Rob I liked, instead of the things about him that reminded me of Jason, I realized that Jason wasn’t coming to the forefront of my mind as often. Yes, I’ve thought about Jason these past few days, if for no other reason than Rob did what Jason didn’t the May before last. Remaine
d loyal to a friend, even over his own interests.
::Sighs:: I kind of find it funny . . . Rob’s doing the most unselfish thing of the three of us. Wanting to step back and just remain friends with me because he was Mike’s friend first and doesn;t want to ruin that. Me, I’ve got an unselfish bend that has a selfish benefit for me: I want Mike to move on so that I can date Rob, assuming he’d be interested at such a point in time. But I also wat Mike to move on for the sake of himself. Cuz it’s something he needs to do and is long overdue.
Ironically, Mike’s being the most selfish in all this. By sticking his feet in the mud and refusing to accept that I don’t see him that way anymore, it’s preventing my happiness and the possible happiness of a friend of his. It’s like I’ve said, how can he claim to love someone and not want them to be happy?
I do understand that I was dumb and that I accidentally gave him a sign that told him yes, things were going in a positive way for us to get back together. And I understand that that takes time to get over, but honestly, who worse of a person can you pick to help yu "get over things" than the person who you were dating?
They say everything happens for a reason. They say there’s equivalent exchange.
Well what’s the reason for all this? Where’s the equivalent exchange? All Mike sees is a permanent loss, and all I see is that I’m not even being given the chance to try.